Loyalty

"It's better to speak your mind and tell the Truth, than to stay quiet and lie to yourself."
Anonymous 

Years ago, I remember feeling bound and stuck. Situations in my life were out of control. Relationships, mostly personal, falling apart and I felt there was no place to turn.... except to food. Once again over stuffing, overeating, overkill! Food, for some of us, becomes the great comforter and our best friend. I mean think about it: It doesn't talk back, it makes us feel good (in the moment) and under stress, we can rely on it for a little happiness. 
And at first this relationship goes pretty well, you keep lying to yourself and eating and one day you wake up and BOOM! You are a blimp. You kind of ignored it when you saw the first roll on your back; even convinced yourself it was because you had kids this was normal. Lie#1. You say to yourself: " I just take after my Dad, I am large boned." Lie #2.  "I deserve this, because I only had one meal today. Let me get a second plate!" Lie #3. When do the lies end? I can tell you from my own experience; they ended when I stopped lying to myself, about everything. I am about to get all mystical on you, but bear with me: Food for me was a mouth/word stopper. I used food, my friend, to stop the words that needed to come out of my mouth to fix the situations I had gotten myself in.  I was being passive-aggressive and I couldn't stand it or me. Instead of saying and doing what needed to be done for my OWN happiness, instead of being loyal to myself; I sold out. I was a bad friend to me, I wasn't loyal and in turn, none too happy. It was hard to face, and a lot of people weren't happy with The Change; but understand this: if you lie to yourself, you will attract people that also lie to themselves. So, when you start to change they might or will resent you. Hard fact and be ready for it. Once you start telling the truth to yourself and being loyal to you, watch your world change. I stopped abusing food, and it really did become a good friend to me. I started speaking the Truth hard or soft, in all things. What didn't need to be said, I didn't say, but when it was time to speak my mind, I didn't stop my mouth anymore. I didn't hide my feelings and attracted people that had the same mind set.  Life rolled on and I with it. Be loyal to you, have integrity to self. Yours in health. 

Competition

Why are people so afraid or resentful of competition?  Have you ever watched someone when they are around the person or people that they deem to be competition in whatever? Job, relationship, LIFE!? How every insecurity is on display for the world to see. This person, in front of you, might seem so secure with who they are. But as soon as the "enemy" comes into the room, they turn into an envious, backstabbing, "Why did they get this and I didn't" person. It doesn't have to be this way. I want to flip this and turn it into something positive: Competition is good. Competition only makes you better at Life. Why? You can learn from your competitors. If you take your ego out of it( and I know that can be hard) and really pay attention to why they are succeeding where you can't catch a break; you might just learn something. Let's turn this Spiritual: If you can be happy for someone else's good fortune, you won't block YOURS! Instead of asking "Why them?" say "Why NOT them?" and keep moving forward with your own aspirations. Because guess what? There is enough for everyone! Enough business, enough money, enough Love, enough for us all. In all things be sincere, even when you know you might be more talented, focus on you. 

What happened to the "Real" Vampires?

This is a blog about vampires. Yes, Vampires! I love a good vampire story and I haven't seen one in a long time. I am going to vent, so get ready. What happened to the old fashioned vampire story? Why aren't they scary anymore? Why are writers of these television shows making vampires so... well... lovey dovey? It is totally against the vampire rules! Vampires use sex appeal to hypnotize and enthrall, they don't take you out to dinner. You are supposed to be their "blood letting booty call" not their girlfriend! Vampires are supposed to be able to shape shift into wolves, bats, smoke or rats, not walk around with ripped jeans and fancy jackets saving the Eco system. Really!? This is what we have come to? Even our vampires are politically correct? Vampires are supposed to make us love our humanity because they are the "living" dead. They are supposed to envy us and in turn need and crave our Life blood, our being able to walk in the light, when did all of this get so screwed up? Vampires are supposed to hate garlic, holy water, mirrors, daylight, crosses and not be able to go on "holy ground." Well, I swear the other day watching this gawd awful movie about vampires, they were sitting in a church, while making garlic potatoes, sipping holy water! Okay, I exaggerate, but you get my point. I just want a good old fashioned vampire story, where they bite with relish, and are good at it. One that has the capacity to still make me jump and be afraid of the dark.  I guess I will go watch Francis Ford Coppola's: Bram Stokers "Dracula." Gary Oldman scares me oh so good in this one. :) 

FLEXIBILITY

"Blessed are the flexible, fore they will never be bent out of shape."

Have you ever met anyone that always seemed to be; Chill?
Relaxed?  Without an illegal/somewhat legal substance? I am always in awe of these people. No matter what the situation, they are calm. Years ago I had a co-worker like this, ever so peaceful, not overly happy, just... and the only word I have is: Mellow. I asked him more than once how he stays so calm? Why doesn't he get upset over the same nonsense we were all upset about? His response: "Why?" I asked "Why, what?!"  
He asked me again: "Why?" Why are you upset over these things that 1. Don't matter. 2. Can you change it? 3. Is it really anything to get upset over? Wow, first of all I didn't know he was that deep, I thought he was just high all the time! But those three questions made me stop and think about the inconsequential things that I and many people get so worked up about. Time wasted and blood pressure raised. Now mind you, I was younger then and in youth our blood runs a little hotter and so do our heads, so we can get a pass. But with age, wisdom is supposed to arrive, right? I still get worked up, I just pick my battles better.  Do you see the ones that are constantly "at war" with themselves and others?There is no flexibility, no change, no adaptability and no release.  It shows on their faces and wreaks havoc with their health.  The most important thing is to feel good. If what you are thinking, seeing, talking about doesn't make you feel good... Why? 

Get Up

Since I can remember, I have dealt with moments of the "Blues." Melancholy, sadness, whatever you want to call it; it was there, lurking. My Mama always said that I "think too much", as if in some way my melancholy was my fault. Impatiently she would say "Get Up!" or ask in a frustrated voice "What is the matter with you.. NOW!?" I never could answer because that would have opened up a can of worms. As a child, how do you say molestation? How do you broach that subject when you are scared and humiliated? It took me years to see the correlation between my weight gain, depression and my self-imposed solitary confinement and connect the dots straight to, as I like to refer to them "The Bitter Years." I have said this before and I will reiterate: What you don't deal with in your twenties, will bite you in your thirties and dang near kill you in your forties." Once I recognized and allowed myself to forgive myself for whatever I thought I should have done or said; I could ACT on my behalf. I could get up and get help. No shame, no regrets, no guilt and no more secrets. I look back and sometimes feel ashamed that I took so long to get to it, that I abused food as if shoveling food into my mouth would quell the secrets that wanted to come forth. Shame doesn't live here anymore. I am no one's victim, nor am I a martyr. I'm just a women that learned that it is okay to tell your story and then walk away from it, to lean on others for help does NOT make you weak,and happiness IS a choice. We can't control what happens to us as children, I wish that we could. But we do control how we deal with our past and not let it deal with us,good,bad or ugly. I wish you Truth. But most of all, I wish you Peace. 

Realistically Happy

"I've had a wonderful life, it just took me too long to realize it."

Often times we have to hit hard times in order for us to realize and acknowledge all the good we have or have had in our lives. Why is it necessary for us to get to that low point? Is it really necessary to lose it all before we give thanks for what we have? No, it isn't.  Have you ever been around really negative people or just one person that seems to find fault with everything? Nothing is right, and everything is a dire situation. They say things like: " Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst", They actually think that's helpful! "I'm NOT negative! I am a realist!", " You really need to not be such a dreamer, good things like that rarely happen." These people would suck the fun out of a wet dream! How sad that this is how they view life.  I too am a realist; whatever that is. I say that because; if you live in this world you can't help BUT be a realist. Reality is in your face all day! I am a realist with an optimists viewpoint. Meaning:  I know what is going on good and not so good. I try and help those I can, without talking it into the ground. I pray for all those I can't help and situations that are out of my control. I set happiness goals. Small goals each week that are only going to bring more happiness into my Life. I don't care how small the goal! If it makes you happy, then it is worth it. I try to affirm the positive and run from the negative people and situations. They don't bring happiness.  Is it always easy to tune out the negative? No. But when you do and set your goals for happiness, you won't look back and say you waited to enjoy your life. 

Grateful?......

I have been trying now for four months, everyday, to write something down that I am grateful for;or someone that I am grateful to. Not easy, and sometimes I have to force myself to write or say what I am grateful for, not that I don't have a lot to be happy about. I am like most people, some days just suck and filtering the "sucky" to get to the good can be a challenge, but give me points for trying. I have all of the books that tell you to only focus on the good, the love( even when you don't feel it), the happy things(big or small) smile at people that you don't know, laugh when you feel like crying, etc. and sometimes I want to give these people that wrote these books the middle digit! I want to shout " DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH?!" And then I step back, and I remember my Mama. Compared to her Life, mine has been a bit of a cake walk. I won't compete, compare, but if I did; I believe she would win hands down. My mother died young, forty-one years young to be exact. Her birthday is November 11th and she died on New Years Eve 1987. I used to refer to this time of the year, as the march of death. The space between Mama's birthday and her death. Any memories brought up were given the suffixes: A.D( after death or B.D( before death).Then I realized, she wouldn't want me living that way. As if I am marring my days, my memories, with death. Instead I have started to see my mother as a "living" self-help manual. In so many situations, good or bad, I have heard my mothers voice, her advice. Those anecdotes that guide and sometimes cause me to pause... and think. And so, with this whole gratitude thing that I am trying to accomplish; I hear her: "You won't miss the water till the well runs dry, so be grateful!." In other words why does it have to "go dry" in order for us to be happy? Grateful? Satisfied? with all that is given to us through the Grace of whatever higher power you serve, before we say: Thank you, I am grateful. Must we always hit the bottom? Regardless of what you have been through, are you telling me that there is not ONE thing to be grateful for? I can't convince you of all that there is to be grateful for. But I can tell you this: Living without Gratitude is like being a shell. Empty. Gratitude "fills" you up, it is the mortar to your brick. Allow gratitude to happen! and watch your Life change.