Grateful?......

I have been trying now for four months, everyday, to write something down that I am grateful for;or someone that I am grateful to. Not easy, and sometimes I have to force myself to write or say what I am grateful for, not that I don't have a lot to be happy about. I am like most people, some days just suck and filtering the "sucky" to get to the good can be a challenge, but give me points for trying. I have all of the books that tell you to only focus on the good, the love( even when you don't feel it), the happy things(big or small) smile at people that you don't know, laugh when you feel like crying, etc. and sometimes I want to give these people that wrote these books the middle digit! I want to shout " DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH?!" And then I step back, and I remember my Mama. Compared to her Life, mine has been a bit of a cake walk. I won't compete, compare, but if I did; I believe she would win hands down. My mother died young, forty-one years young to be exact. Her birthday is November 11th and she died on New Years Eve 1987. I used to refer to this time of the year, as the march of death. The space between Mama's birthday and her death. Any memories brought up were given the suffixes: A.D( after death or B.D( before death).Then I realized, she wouldn't want me living that way. As if I am marring my days, my memories, with death. Instead I have started to see my mother as a "living" self-help manual. In so many situations, good or bad, I have heard my mothers voice, her advice. Those anecdotes that guide and sometimes cause me to pause... and think. And so, with this whole gratitude thing that I am trying to accomplish; I hear her: "You won't miss the water till the well runs dry, so be grateful!." In other words why does it have to "go dry" in order for us to be happy? Grateful? Satisfied? with all that is given to us through the Grace of whatever higher power you serve, before we say: Thank you, I am grateful. Must we always hit the bottom? Regardless of what you have been through, are you telling me that there is not ONE thing to be grateful for? I can't convince you of all that there is to be grateful for. But I can tell you this: Living without Gratitude is like being a shell. Empty. Gratitude "fills" you up, it is the mortar to your brick. Allow gratitude to happen! and watch your Life change.