Grateful?......

I have been trying now for four months, everyday, to write something down that I am grateful for;or someone that I am grateful to. Not easy, and sometimes I have to force myself to write or say what I am grateful for, not that I don't have a lot to be happy about. I am like most people, some days just suck and filtering the "sucky" to get to the good can be a challenge, but give me points for trying. I have all of the books that tell you to only focus on the good, the love( even when you don't feel it), the happy things(big or small) smile at people that you don't know, laugh when you feel like crying, etc. and sometimes I want to give these people that wrote these books the middle digit! I want to shout " DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH?!" And then I step back, and I remember my Mama. Compared to her Life, mine has been a bit of a cake walk. I won't compete, compare, but if I did; I believe she would win hands down. My mother died young, forty-one years young to be exact. Her birthday is November 11th and she died on New Years Eve 1987. I used to refer to this time of the year, as the march of death. The space between Mama's birthday and her death. Any memories brought up were given the suffixes: A.D( after death or B.D( before death).Then I realized, she wouldn't want me living that way. As if I am marring my days, my memories, with death. Instead I have started to see my mother as a "living" self-help manual. In so many situations, good or bad, I have heard my mothers voice, her advice. Those anecdotes that guide and sometimes cause me to pause... and think. And so, with this whole gratitude thing that I am trying to accomplish; I hear her: "You won't miss the water till the well runs dry, so be grateful!." In other words why does it have to "go dry" in order for us to be happy? Grateful? Satisfied? with all that is given to us through the Grace of whatever higher power you serve, before we say: Thank you, I am grateful. Must we always hit the bottom? Regardless of what you have been through, are you telling me that there is not ONE thing to be grateful for? I can't convince you of all that there is to be grateful for. But I can tell you this: Living without Gratitude is like being a shell. Empty. Gratitude "fills" you up, it is the mortar to your brick. Allow gratitude to happen! and watch your Life change. 

Fit2bFree!: Choices

Fit2bFree!: Choices: I choose to be happy.  This is something I say to myself everyday. It has become the mantra of my Life, almost my Lifeline. A call to the...

Choices

I choose to be happy. 
This is something I say to myself everyday.
It has become the mantra of my Life, almost my Lifeline.
A call to the positive energy that I know for sure is out there, floating... somewhere.
It is also my wall, my defense against negative people and situations that I feel might encroach on my happiness. Now, some people say this is a way to bury your head in the sand; I disagree. 
I DO know what is going on around me, I DO know what the worlds problems are, people that bury their heads in the sand have checked out. I am most definitely "plugged in" but with a different goal and a different perspective. Instead of harping on all that is wrong, I make it my goal everyday to talk about what is RIGHT with the world. Who and where is someone, anyone, doing something worthy and altruistic. I haven't lost all faith in Mankind, so I choose to see the happy, the helpful, the loving, the honest, the hard-working, the smiles, the hugs and the hand holding. I believe negativity gets enough publicity without me talking and typing more. Don't you agree? I choose to be Happy, and it IS a choice. 

Don't You Worry about a Thing

You heard your parents say it over and over, Stevie Wonder made a whole song about it, and we constantly tell ourselves to stop worrying. And yet; most of us live in a constant state of worry and fret. Money, children, work, and some made up things, you know it's true!  We think so much and are so much in our heads we forget all that is good and fun and most of all; Beautiful.  I know so many people, including myself, that suffer from anxiety attacks. If you have never had one, how very fortunate you are! Anxiety can be debilitating and downright scary.  I don't suffer with them as frequently now as I did when I was younger, I truly believe, in my case, I can thank exercise and relaxation/breathing exercises. I had to be diligent with both, no slacking, no excuses. And I had to get out of my head. Does that sound weird?  How often do you find yourself ruminating on one thing, constantly rolling it over in your head, critiquing, tearing it apart, putting it back together , to start all over?  I was harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. I was my own worst enemy, I WAS my own anxiety attack! Is that possible? For me, Yes! Once I figured this out, I could help myself. This whole getting older thing helped as well, things don't look so drastic to me anymore. I understand that I don't and can't control everything, there are certain things I can help; and for the things I can't... I pass on. Relax Dawn, I say to myself, don't you worry about a thing. Exercise is key, it always comes back to this doesn't it?  Feeling stressed? Full of anxiety? Mad? Get rid of it at the gym Baby! Run your stairs! Get a jump rope! my personal favorite. Better yet; take a Yoga class. Never taken Yoga?  If you have anxiety attacks or not, Yoga is good for us all. It teaches you how to tone, stretch, stand and walk taller,  breathe to calm yourself down, it is the  gift that keeps on giving.  The last thing I did to help me feel better, and this was one of the harder things to do; I stopped hanging with the Drama filled people. You know who they are: Ms. "I ALWAYS got a story to tell that isn't her or my business" and it is ALWAYS BAD!  Mr. " The world is a bad place and let me constantly remind you as to how bad it is!"  These people lurk in dark corners my friends, they aid and abet anxiety and sometimes they don't even know it. But run when you see them, in a polite way.. RUN!   This is how we help ourselves feel better, mentally, physically, spiritually. And we DO have to help ourselves in this quest not to stress, it doesn't always come easy, but we are all worth the effort. Take a deep breath... Relax.

Lies and forgiveness

"Wherever you go you will find people lying to you, and as your awareness grows, you will notice that you also lie to yourself. Do not expect people to tell you the truth because they also lie to themselves.  You have to trust yourself  and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you" Don Miguel Ruiz

I will not lie to you; this has been a tough two months. I won't list all that happened, but I will tell the one thing that got the crap ball rollin" my vacation money was taken and you know who I have to blame? ME! Know this: When loaning money, once out of your hands, it isn't YOUR money anymore. It might not be a loan, it might be a "gift", a donation to someone else's vacation. They will probably lie to you, deny ever knowing they had to pay it back, they might even pretend they don't know you! Most times though, it  isn't about the money, it's the mendacity, the fabrications, the tall tales, the river of crap where I have to wear high boots! Did I make myself clear? The hardest thing I have had learn is taking responsibility for how I let others behavior effect my life. It would be easy to point the finger and say how wrong everyone else is; but I put myself in situations that could have been avoided and then things would have worked in my favor.  I am not excusing, I AM taking responsibility for my part. When I thought about it, it is the same philosophy I used when I lost the weight. Take responsibility for what you eat or don't eat. Stop saying how you are too tired to exercise because of : the kids, dog, cat, too overworked, pms, etc. Own it.  I have always said to my kids: Lie to everyone else, if you must. But never lie to yourself, when you start, it never stops. Once I got over my anger at me, and threw my temper tantrums, there are three levels of temper tantrums by the way.  Did you know that? 1. In the car, with tears streaming down the face, screaming and gripping the steering wheel 2. Lying in the bed, kicking blankets while pillow is over your face, screaming. 3. In the shower, face against wall, pounding wall with fists, trying not to slip in shower. I am working on forgiveness and succeeding( I only had one relapse today!:) Exercise really does help and here is my "Forgiveness Workout" enjoy and DO! :  Warm-up of choice- 5 min.
                                              Stretch ( 2 min)
                                              Jump rope or run stairs ( 1 min)
                                              Push up(s) - basic or military 1x12
                                              Jump rope - 30 sec.
                                               crunches - 1 min
                                              Push up(s) - 1x8
                                              crunches - 2 min or best
                                              Push - up(s) 1x 16
               Plank (what's your goal? That is what you try and reach!) 
                                              Jump rope - 1 min. or best
                                run stairs or run in place ( 1 min or best) 
                                              crunches - 30 sec
              Plank - last one! Hold for 1 min. or your personal best :)    

                                                STRETCH 


                      That's it, quick and easy...  I feel better:) 
                                             
                                               

You are not your Story

I believe that everyone has a story; good or bad, we have a story to tell.  There is      nothing wrong with this; until we realize that we keep telling the same stories, and they are usually sad. Be real, how many people do you know that tell happy stories about their childhood? Past relationships? If you can name five, I am impressed!  We talk and talk about the negative, who did what to us, when and where it happened and who didn't or did take our side.  We talk so much about the bad it starts to define who we are as people. Even when we try to feel happiness, it is as if our happiness is muted. That black cloud of negativity is hanging over us, leaching the bright colors from our landscape; which is Life.  
I sigh as I write this, only because I remember feeling this way and not understanding why I couldn't break the sadness, "Cope" better as one person told me to do. Why did everyone else seem to be able to move on and live, at least decently, and not me?  I know that some of the people I spoke with had gone through similar situations as me growing up: Emotional neglect, physical and sexual abuse and yet they seemed happy.  So, I started to do a little investigation, I wanted to know what they were doing! How is it possible that you can be happy with ALL that has happened to you? Tell me... now! I was aggressive in my research and this is what I found: It isn't that they just "got over it" that doesn't happen. What does happen is that you stop talking about what was.  These happy people stopped holding the perpetrators secrets, giving them more power. They focused on healing, they focused on loving themselves and being grateful to have come through the fire. These Happy people stopped telling the stories that bound them to anger, shame and emptiness. Because these stories no longer defined who or what they are.  We, and now I can include myself with the Happy People, understand that secrets and sad stories not told in the light and then released will shackle you.  Find and be grateful for all that you have loved in your life. It is not always easy, patterns can be difficult to break; but it is so worth it.  There is so much to love, so much to see, without that dark cloud over your head dimming all the beautiful lights and colors. :)
Be Well

WORD.

1. As an entrepreneur, independent contractor or employee for someone else’s company, I have now worked for (I believe) every kind of boss, manager, supervisor, etc.  I have given them titles: The passive-aggressive Boss, The screaming in you face Bully, The ” I will pay you when I get ready” Boss, The “I will make you run me down for your money, won’t answer ANY emails or texts OR voice mail” Boss! My new favorite: The “sit around and talk about employees to OTHER employees” Boss… Classy.  When working for or around people like this it can be easy to lose yourself in the drama and shenanigans; DON’T! Take each experience and use it as a learning tool.  With every experience write down what you wouldn't do, how you wouldn't treat other people, how would you run the company? Now write down all the positive things you would do to counteract the negative. Take my word for it; it works! If you are thinking about opening your own business or decide to stay where you are; use your notes to rise above the crap(and it IS crap!) in the workplace. Believe me, the gym is no different than a corporate office, we just don’t have to wear a suit and tie. Have Integrity where you work and your reputation will proceed you. That is my rule, use it. Word.

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