The Journey is Yours

It is a difficult thing sometimes to come to grips with the fact that some things are in your control. Got you didn't I!? You thought I was going to say something else. I think at times we become so focused on what isn't in our control, we forget all that is in our control; and it is a lot. I compiled a short list one day of all the things I could have controlled if I would have chosen to: 1. Who I hung out with 2. What I ate 3. What my thoughts were/are 4. How I spent/spend my money 5. My feelings 6. My Actions. For me these are all the big things... or are they? Now I don't know if you are like me, but back in the day I had a tendency to turn molehills into mountains. I wouldn't make big scenes or big productions out of things if that is what you are thinking. But in my head, small things became BIG things that I would mull over. I would sit and ruminate, turn whatever situation that I felt uncomfortable with into a melodrama worthy of an Emmy or two. Then I would self-sabotage: Eat too much, mismanage money, listen to people that didn't have my best interest(s) at heart and then when the mess hit the fan( as it always will!) here come the feelings of guilt and unworthiness. But what makes this all so sad is the fact that we always know how the mess is going to play out. How? Because we are the ones who set it up! And all of this is done from a place of fear. In my humble opinion; fear is the most crippling emotion. Not the fear of another human being, but fear of our own greatness. The fear that you aren't worthy. The fear that you won't live up to your own expectations. The fear that you are a fraud and people might find out or the fear that you are just as great and fantastic as you believe yourself to be. So we create these different negative scenarios to hinder our greatness, and then have the audacity to try and blame other people for our lack of faith in our own abilities. Yes, I am talking to you and Yes! I know three fingers are pointing back at me as I point at you. As I stated earlier; I am most certainly guilty of doing all of this. Remember, I only write about what I know, and I know procrastination and getting in my own way! When we sit and turn every little situation inside out, when we overwhelm ourselves with the should have, could have, would have's, when we are purposely blocking our blessings, this is a way to procrastinate and not have to move forward. No one can change this but you. This is seriously a one person journey and the fare is not cheap. I have learned, just from my own experiences, that all of this was tied to my weight gain and once I understood what I needed to do; the weight was gone. Easy? No, I wouldn't lie to you( I charge extra for lies!:) But it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be once the mental baggage was tossed and burned. Ladies and Gentlemen, please remember that we are all works in progress. There will be days that you just don't want to hear or think about any of this stuff. And you know what I say to that?: GOOD! Don't think too hard on it, just DO! If you know there is work to be done; DO! I am not saying don't think at all and become this impetuous person that just jumps in the water head first. But also don't be such an over thinker that becomes such a procrastinator that nothing gets done. There must be a balance and a sense of worth that only you can give yourself; hence the title. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace.  

The Rules

I know I have written blog(s) regarding common courtesy, expectations, and standards... my own of course :) But, I don't think I have written a blog about what NOT to post on social media, or things that shouldn't be discussed in public bathrooms/locker rooms. Why do I think I must write this? Lately my personal experiences with all of the above gives me cause and pause to think about all that I have seen and heard! Social Media is a wonderful thing; I use it, I enjoy it, but some things should be kept private. Discussing ones marriage, bedroom antics, job issues, infections(gross!) how you hate/love someone, even your political bent should be kept private. Why? The J.O.B. They can and will use personal information against you. I had to explain this to a young client recently, that there is no such thing as a private page. Once posted, even if you delete, your information is now floating in the ether, ready to be snatched down and read. Now, you would think that people would know this by now? And yet, I am still seeing posts like: "My boss can go suck monkey junk!" or "I need a hug!" sigh... Rule # 1 to a happy Life: Say what needs to be said to the person intended. Do NOT email, leave voice mail, text or post on social media. Then it can't be used against you in the court of life and you will show yourself to be courageous and a non-passive aggressive. Locker rooms with their stalls and curtains might seem private, but they aren't. The walls have ears and you never know who is using one of those stalls, right? I shall call this para-graph: Beware the hidden feet. When you are a manager, in the locker room discussing an employee with ANOTHER employee, and the subject being talked about walks out of one of the stalls; weeeeell, that is bad business and in some circles that might even be called slander. Beware the hidden feet! Rule #2 for a happy and simple Life: When you are the person in charge, be a leader that sets a good example. Talk TO your people. Face to face without drama. True leaders have no problem telling you to your face what they need from you and how they want it done. Say it, explain if the need arises and move on. I know that sometimes we all feel as if we aren't being listened to and we are looking to find someone that feels the way we do; on any given topic. But posting all of your business on social media is not the way to go. Rule # 3 to having a wonderful life: Get out and meet some people! Get away from your computer, get off of the internet on your phone, take time to look UP for once. Don't have clandestine meetings in locker rooms! HA! That is just funny. But seriously, get out, stop saying the folks on social media are your "Friends" no they aren't! You don't know half of them.  Get out and get moving, this should actually be the #1 Rule of Life. Peace and love, but mostly Peace.
D.  

Grow Up!

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” 
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People 

It is not easy to take criticism, not for any of us. But when it is in our best interest to listen, learn something and act, why all the drama? I was once one of those full of drama (so I speak from experience) When you are insecure about where you are in life, when you are always worried about what others think of you and self-awareness is not cultivated; well, you get someone who can't take criticism, even when it is constructive. And when you are like this, you will attract others that are just like you! Believe or disbelieve it, but everyone in our lives past or present are just reflections of who we are or have been at some point. It is a jagged little pill to swallow, but true. But as you start to recognize the pattern, there will be change, but only if you recognize it. Then that is when the fun begins, you start attracting people that tell you to your face(and this is important!) just how immature you have been. GUT PUNCH! The day it happened to me, I was sitting with a good friend and I was griping about something or the other. How someone said something that hurt my feelings, blah, blah, blah... and she listened as friends will, then finally she spoke and I didn't expect what she said: "Dawn, you are being immature. What this person said to you was true. She might not have said it with sugar, but she is right and as your friend, I should have said something. I apologize, but you don't take critiquing well and we all have to mature sometime." Now you all KNOW I was heated! I didn't speak to her for a couple of days(seriously! that is how mature I was:) but did I hear her? Yeah, and that is what hurt the most. She was right and I was in a place in my life where I was ready to receive what she was saying. Growing pains hurt like a mutha sometimes! When I finally Womaned up to talk to her, I apologized and got on with growing up. Remember: once you get the right knowledge, you aren't ignorant anymore and you must act. I started to do the work and it wasn't easy, some things just aren't, but it is worth it. Look at your patterns, identify the subjects that are your "triggers" then get to work. "Ain't everybody going to agree or go along with you girl! And if they do, you are doing something wrong!"Said by my mother and she was right. I learned to take being critiqued, I never said I like it. People that love you set you straight in every area of life, without fear of you and your dramatics. This is when we have to get over ourselves, right? Wishing you peace and love, but mostly... Peace. 

OH SNAP! Let the Pain and Denial Begin!

The day started out innocently enough, doesn't it always? I felt really good that morning. Normal aches and pains are to be expected when you teach Group Fitness, I am used to them. The pain started in my right quadriceps, I thought nothing of it. When it moved to my lower back and brought me to my knee's by two pm, I took it seriously. Funny thing, pain; we forget how it can turn us into dry heaving, cold sweat filled masses of flesh. Yes, this was me. I can tell you, I don't remember how I drove home, because my right foot was about useless due to the numbness that had now gone down my leg. I do remember my Son helping me crawl out of my car and half carrying me up the stairs to my bed. I can recall the pain, worse than labor and yet familiar to me; I had been here before. Years ago I herniated two discs in my lower lumbar spine and couldn't walk at all. And though I was dragging my right leg, I was still able to hobble, there was hope! But first you must get through the pain. Let me reiterate: Funny thing, pain. See, when you have babies and you must go through labor, for some reason we forget the pain. I don't know why, but we do, hence more children! I would love to tell you that I didn't cry (The Ugly Cry), that I didn't get scared when I couldn't stand for long periods of time (I am a Trainer and Group Fitness Instructor, are you kidding me!?) that I didn't need help bathing or doing my own hair, but I would be lying. I did all of the crying that I needed to do. I had no pride and allowed my Ex-Husband to care for me and out of compassion, he did(like I said, I herniated years ago when we were still married, he knows the drill). After the drugs were dispensed and MRI taken, the diagnosis is a bulging disc. I am thinking a herniation to a bulging disc, this girl is moving up! I am so wrong. You might be wondering: "Dawn, how did you get to this point?" With a shamed face and a bowed head, I will tell you: Ignoring your body and the red flags it is throwing you. Just that simple. I saw and felt symptoms months before the fallout and I kept it movin', isn't that my motto? I canceled chiropractic appointments and massages for clients and classes. My body was warning me and I thought I knew more. That is ingratitude to the tenth degree and I am paying for it. I took a hit for the team to bring you this missive folks! Our bodies really are wonderlands and beautifully made; why ignore it? I am on the mend, physically and emotionally. Because what I know for sure; pain takes a lot out of you emotionally, just the fear of going through this again will fill you with fear if you allow it. You can't allow it. In the now famous words of one of my daughters who has Sickle Cell and is familiar with excruciating pain: "Mama, you either find a part of your body that doesn't hurt and focus on that bit of happiness OR you learn to 'ride' the pain. Make friends with it and ride the waves of pain. But this will pass Mama and you have to get up!" My child, the tyrant. :) Wishing you Love and peace, but mostly Peace

Do It.

Mortality is the fastest, clearest, most reliable teacher of what is most important to you in your own life. When faced with it, the following 30 seconds will teach you more than the previous 30 years. It is then that you will learn how difficult we make something that is so simple - LIFE  

I always wonder why we wait until the twelfth hour to do something about our weight and health. What is it with humans that we won't take our health issue's seriously until a doctor tells us we are diabetic? Or can't walk correctly, backs hurting and joints shot, THEN we take our health issue's seriously. What is that? I won't linger on that though, because we all get to where we need to be when it is our time. The first or twelfth hour, whenever, as long as you get to Change. I am guilty as well! I procrastinate on all of my doctor appointments, we won't even discuss mammograms and pap smears! I will confess my sin(s): I am two years behind. Now mind you, my Mama died of cancer, so I should be on it, right? No, maybe if I ignore it, nothing bad will happen. This is plain stupidity and fear.  I never liked being a chicken, so today I made my appointments. It is like like this with somethings, we will hate the outcome if we don't do it... but we also hate the actual Doing. I see this with people regarding exercising, changing how they eat, how they treat their bodies, too much of this and not enough of that... the list could go on. Fear is a powerful thing isn't it? I read a quote recently that said, simply, do what needs to be done and be done! Be proactive in your life, it might seem like the biggest mountain, when it is really just a molehill of fear. So, consider this short blog to be a little reminder to take care of your health, this is me harassing you, the way other's have harassed me. I thought I would share the love. Go Do what needs doing. Wishing you Love, Peace and wonderful Health! 

Relax Girl...RELAX!

As we drive through Georgia, still on our way to Florida, I realize that I am in pain; my shoulders are throbbing! Of course I immediately reach for the Motrin, then I stopped. "What is really going on?" I ask myself.  The answer came quickly: I am so used to running around(literally and figuratively) that when I am supposed to be relaxing, I don't know how! My shoulders were up to my ears, my thoughts were turned to all that I hadn't done at home before I left, Clients and classes that I had to cancel to take a much needed vacation, blah, blah, BLAH! This is typical of a lot of us, our world is full of the run around and a part of us, in my opinion, become addicted to that, to the point that when we aren't running 'crazy' we don't know what to do with ourselves. After I talked myself off of the figurative ledge, I did what I always tell others to do; Breathe, enjoy the moment, laugh, appreciate the beautiful view! I don't have to take care of everything(supreme control freak!) and guess what? Everything is going to be alright, because Bob Marley said so! As I write to you, I have candles lit, Sounds of the Season playing and an ocean view... my shoulders are down. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace.

Fit2bFree!: Road Trip!

Fit2bFree!: Road Trip!: Out of the blue one of my very best friends decided she needed a vacation and on a whim, she asked me and another friend to take a Girls roa...

Road Trip!

Out of the blue one of my very best friends decided she needed a vacation and on a whim, she asked me and another friend to take a Girls road trip to Hutchinson Island in Florida. I want you all there with me, so here is my Road Trip Journal! Here we go. Day 1- I waited until the last minute to pack, and obviously Tracy did as well. Because when I look in the back seat of her truck, she has shoved everything into a laundry basket! Do you think someone is ready for a vacation? Once we get everything in the truck, I am very proud of myself; I actually made it out of my house with just two bags and a backpack! Hey! sue me, I love shoes! We make it, in one piece, to Indiana then Kentucky(Beautiful by the way). I have been to Indiana several times, but never Kentucky and this is where we crashed( it was a good thing, we were all getting a little grouchy and I was about to choke a fool out!) So we slept at a Marriott and had to share a bed ( thank the Lord I love my friend!) because in the middle of the night her foot decided to connect with my vagina! Really!? Must you flail about in the bed? And why do these things always happen to MY vagina?! She kicked me so hard, she woke herself up. We are on the road again and just made it into Nashville... I will keep you posted, after I eat! Wishing you peace, love and fried chicken:)

Scenes From My Bedroom Window

I love my town, I really do. It has a bad reputation and I truly believe it does just because there are a lot of ethnic people that live here. It is a suburban town that sits perfectly between two lovely cities; Chicago and Milwaukee. My town is like most small cities, high to low income, issues with the school district and the politics that surround everything; but, I love my town. I love walking down the street and seeing people working in their gardens. On one side of the street there is a man and woman working in the yard, and he has on a kilt, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and sneakers. On the other side of the street there is a Black man wearing karate pants and a rice paddy hat! Really? All I can do is giggle as I watch the Vatos locos in their low riders, am I back in California? They give me the peace sign and I nod my head in acknowledgment and we both keep movin'. When you live in a town of different ethnic groups, there is always the lovely food to try. I can walk down the street and get real deep dish pizza, cross the street and get red snapper tacos, drive two miles down the road and order pancit and finish it off with grilled pineapple. Tonight there was an Indian wedding parade on my street! It was so colorful and beautiful. The women and men were singing and beating drums and everyone came out to watch and wave. Like with most towns nowadays, crime has risen and there seems to be a lot more cynicism, but there is also this move it and shake it up spirit ( especially among the 20 and 30 yr. old's) that is keeping most of these small cities alive. The "kids" are coming home to open their own business's and raise their families. This is what gives a town and its people hope. We live in a tough world and everyone needs a place to call home. It would be easy to segregate yourself, see the same people, narrow your vision to the point where you only see the end of your nose, but what a boring, predictable Life! Get out there and enjoy your town, make a difference in it and bloom where you are planted. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace.

Rise Above Your Raising

"You know I'm cursed with morals. I was raised a certain way. I wish I wasn't. I wish I was raised by wolves." 
Carson Daly 

It's funny how you read something and it expresses just what you are feeling or going through at the time; almost God sent. I read this quote while pondering if I should keep a friend in my life who, by past experiences, isn't much of a friend to me. I guess you call people like this 'associates?' Yes, they have been relegated to the associate shelf. It isn't as if they are this horrible person that tosses cat's for fun; they just can't seem to rise above their raising. And the sad thing is; they don't want to. If you have never heard the phrase "Rise above your raising" let me explain it to you: some of us have parents that weren't always the best examples in certain situations. Bad habits, no coping skills and a general skewed perspective on the world and life is sometimes the legacy we inherit. If we don't learn to rise above it,we just repeat their lives. For those that don't understand and lived in a household with no issues whatsoever; look away or read and learn how the other half  has lived. Rising above your raising is a work in progress! It is NOT an easy thing to overcome. As was quoted in one of the best movies ever created, The Breakfast Club( Hey! I am an 80's kid!) When Ally Sheedy's character, Allison, says to Molly Ringwald's character, Claire, that it is inevitable that we become like our parent's, at that moment I wanted to puke. Really?! my 15 year old self thought, I will NEVER be like her, and we won't even discuss my father! Now I laugh, that was fear and teenage angst talking, I know better now. Let me tell you what I have learned: We have a choice as to how we want to be like our parents. Who knew? Some things are in our DNA, other things are learned behavior(s) and habits/patterns can be broken; but only if we are willing! My friend/associate is not ready yet and that is a conscience choice; isn't everything? Don't listen to people that tell you if it is in your 'blood' there is no changing it, they obviously don't understand how positive affirmations and a strong mind can change the world! Your world. I have learned that my mother did better than most, that she did what she thought at the moment to be the right thing. She was hard on me, I was a kid and needed and sometimes deserved it. She impressed upon me morals, integrity, and work ethic. I thought it was straight punishment! How dare she want the best for me! My mother wasn't perfection, she made mistakes that I have had to work through on my own and still do some days, but the faith that I can rise above it is always there. Once again it takes forgiveness, forgive your parents for passing on their fear(s) to you, their impatience, for exposing you to things that you were not mentally prepared for. Forgive them for ignoring you. Forgive them for their harsh words, because they probably learned all of these things from their parents and the list could go on. I just need you to know that it is possible to move forward; to rise above it, to be your own person, regardless of DNA. Acknowledge the patterns that you have picked up and carried on into your own life.  Make the decision to get help if they are affecting you negatively( that could be self-help or a psychiatrist) and rise above your raising. Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace! 

Sheer Madness

This is the time of year that Personal Trainer's and Wellness Coaches are usually the busiest. Why? Because this is the season for dieting and people being disappointed by their dieting so then they need a Wellness Coach! I am writing this blog a little concerned, once again, over our obsession with weight, and the lack of concern over health. As I watch people scramble around for the "easy fix", the magic ring, the one piece of equipment that will take fat off quickly! going to be hypnotized, injected, tapeworms inserted! ( I am NOT making that up!) fat sucked out, fat inserted, purging, or just not eating, I feel outright sad. This is not just a female issue, there are men out here doing the same things and the crowd is growing. Why? Wouldn't it be so easy to blame the media? And yes, they are culpable in this, but they are not the only one's to blame. I see it this way: If you are under the age of 18 years old, it is your parents that are responsible for helping you have a positive body image. If you are older and look to all of the models/actors, whom by the way have been digitized to look like ageless elves, to boost your self-esteem and give you guidance; get ready to always fail. No one looks like that. THEY don't even look like that! I know I am coming from the perspective of a Black American Woman and you are wondering why I brought up ethnicity? Because depending on your culture; the image you have in your head regarding your body will be totally different from someone else's.  In my culture a big booty is KEY! You know the song "Brick house?" When the singer says: "36-24-36, what a winning hand!" That is a Black Woman's dream shape( or used to be) small in the waist and pretty in the face, but with that big butt. :) When people call me skinny, I have to make myself not be offended. Now on the other hand, my Caucasian friends work to be a size 0( I didn't even know that existed years ago!) some of them, not all. In my opinion unless you are 5'0 and petite, you should not be a size 0, but that is just me. I, as a woman and Personal Trainer don't understand why anyone wouldn't want their breasts, butt or hips! I am a woman, not a ten year old boy. Now I see a trend going on, almost like a 'Class War' between the too thin people calling themselves fit and the overweight people calling themselves curvy, and both are two polar extremes that are BOTH unhealthy. Then you have people like me that have been both. I have been too thin, I have binged and purged, I have been an exercise bulimic, yes.. Me. This ain't my first time at the rodeo folks, this is just the first time I have kept the weight off for years. I have, as some of you may know, been really big. We are talking six rolls on the back big! So my point is? Balance is key and knowing boundaries is essential! Look, this really doesn't have to be hard and I am not talking from a place of not knowing or arrogance. Losing or gaining weight is a life changer, no doubt, but it doesn't have to be a health risk. Do we really need that type of drama? The lies, the madness, the obsession and the procrastination stop with YOU.  Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace. 

Zumba Up and Down( warm it UP!) :)

You Know You Have Messed Up When.....

Life is funny, and I am not being sarcastic here either. Like I was saying; Life is funny, just when you think you are in love, and you probably are by the way, The one that your love was intended for turns out to be the brother from another mother of the last rectum that you dated. Funny, huh? It wasn't anything big or dramatic that cued me, it was a series of things and my reaction to those things; DANG SELF-AWARENESS! But once you know who you are, there is no turning back, all bets and lies to yourself are off.  Now the mess happens when you start telling yourself that you can ignore things, make excuses for yourself and the person you are involved with. I don't expect perfection, no one does( at least the people that I know) because I'm not perfect( I know, I know, this is all new to you!) but I do have standards. Even in a world that tells you that standards are not realistic(really?) That hoe-ing (new word for you) it up is okay and trying to save yourself for someone that just might love you is dumb.  That choosing to want someone in your life that has a modicum of respect for you and his/herself is too much to ask. You know what I say to that? You live your life expecting nothing, and nothing is what you will receive. You know where I learned that? From my ex-husband, go figure! But is it the Truth? Yes! Expect nothing, get nothing. I am going to say something totally radical here, ready? Have expectations and standards! WHEW! It is okay and don't allow others to tell you any different. You know why it is okay? Because you hold yourself to a certain standard, you have expectations of yourself and this is not a bad thing. Messing up every once in awhile is okay, I try not to make it a pattern and it keeps me honest. I took a love hit for the team(you being the Team) my skin might be a little tender right now, but I am standing a lot taller. I know my worth and I hope you know yours. Wishing you peace and love... but mostly Peace.