Get Up

Since I can remember, I have dealt with moments of the "Blues." Melancholy, sadness, whatever you want to call it; it was there, lurking. My Mama always said that I "think too much", as if in some way my melancholy was my fault. Impatiently she would say "Get Up!" or ask in a frustrated voice "What is the matter with you.. NOW!?" I never could answer because that would have opened up a can of worms. As a child, how do you say molestation? How do you broach that subject when you are scared and humiliated? It took me years to see the correlation between my weight gain, depression and my self-imposed solitary confinement and connect the dots straight to, as I like to refer to them "The Bitter Years." I have said this before and I will reiterate: What you don't deal with in your twenties, will bite you in your thirties and dang near kill you in your forties." Once I recognized and allowed myself to forgive myself for whatever I thought I should have done or said; I could ACT on my behalf. I could get up and get help. No shame, no regrets, no guilt and no more secrets. I look back and sometimes feel ashamed that I took so long to get to it, that I abused food as if shoveling food into my mouth would quell the secrets that wanted to come forth. Shame doesn't live here anymore. I am no one's victim, nor am I a martyr. I'm just a women that learned that it is okay to tell your story and then walk away from it, to lean on others for help does NOT make you weak,and happiness IS a choice. We can't control what happens to us as children, I wish that we could. But we do control how we deal with our past and not let it deal with us,good,bad or ugly. I wish you Truth. But most of all, I wish you Peace. 

Realistically Happy

"I've had a wonderful life, it just took me too long to realize it."

Often times we have to hit hard times in order for us to realize and acknowledge all the good we have or have had in our lives. Why is it necessary for us to get to that low point? Is it really necessary to lose it all before we give thanks for what we have? No, it isn't.  Have you ever been around really negative people or just one person that seems to find fault with everything? Nothing is right, and everything is a dire situation. They say things like: " Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst", They actually think that's helpful! "I'm NOT negative! I am a realist!", " You really need to not be such a dreamer, good things like that rarely happen." These people would suck the fun out of a wet dream! How sad that this is how they view life.  I too am a realist; whatever that is. I say that because; if you live in this world you can't help BUT be a realist. Reality is in your face all day! I am a realist with an optimists viewpoint. Meaning:  I know what is going on good and not so good. I try and help those I can, without talking it into the ground. I pray for all those I can't help and situations that are out of my control. I set happiness goals. Small goals each week that are only going to bring more happiness into my Life. I don't care how small the goal! If it makes you happy, then it is worth it. I try to affirm the positive and run from the negative people and situations. They don't bring happiness.  Is it always easy to tune out the negative? No. But when you do and set your goals for happiness, you won't look back and say you waited to enjoy your life. 

Grateful?......

I have been trying now for four months, everyday, to write something down that I am grateful for;or someone that I am grateful to. Not easy, and sometimes I have to force myself to write or say what I am grateful for, not that I don't have a lot to be happy about. I am like most people, some days just suck and filtering the "sucky" to get to the good can be a challenge, but give me points for trying. I have all of the books that tell you to only focus on the good, the love( even when you don't feel it), the happy things(big or small) smile at people that you don't know, laugh when you feel like crying, etc. and sometimes I want to give these people that wrote these books the middle digit! I want to shout " DO YOU NOT KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH?!" And then I step back, and I remember my Mama. Compared to her Life, mine has been a bit of a cake walk. I won't compete, compare, but if I did; I believe she would win hands down. My mother died young, forty-one years young to be exact. Her birthday is November 11th and she died on New Years Eve 1987. I used to refer to this time of the year, as the march of death. The space between Mama's birthday and her death. Any memories brought up were given the suffixes: A.D( after death or B.D( before death).Then I realized, she wouldn't want me living that way. As if I am marring my days, my memories, with death. Instead I have started to see my mother as a "living" self-help manual. In so many situations, good or bad, I have heard my mothers voice, her advice. Those anecdotes that guide and sometimes cause me to pause... and think. And so, with this whole gratitude thing that I am trying to accomplish; I hear her: "You won't miss the water till the well runs dry, so be grateful!." In other words why does it have to "go dry" in order for us to be happy? Grateful? Satisfied? with all that is given to us through the Grace of whatever higher power you serve, before we say: Thank you, I am grateful. Must we always hit the bottom? Regardless of what you have been through, are you telling me that there is not ONE thing to be grateful for? I can't convince you of all that there is to be grateful for. But I can tell you this: Living without Gratitude is like being a shell. Empty. Gratitude "fills" you up, it is the mortar to your brick. Allow gratitude to happen! and watch your Life change. 

Fit2bFree!: Choices

Fit2bFree!: Choices: I choose to be happy.  This is something I say to myself everyday. It has become the mantra of my Life, almost my Lifeline. A call to the...

Choices

I choose to be happy. 
This is something I say to myself everyday.
It has become the mantra of my Life, almost my Lifeline.
A call to the positive energy that I know for sure is out there, floating... somewhere.
It is also my wall, my defense against negative people and situations that I feel might encroach on my happiness. Now, some people say this is a way to bury your head in the sand; I disagree. 
I DO know what is going on around me, I DO know what the worlds problems are, people that bury their heads in the sand have checked out. I am most definitely "plugged in" but with a different goal and a different perspective. Instead of harping on all that is wrong, I make it my goal everyday to talk about what is RIGHT with the world. Who and where is someone, anyone, doing something worthy and altruistic. I haven't lost all faith in Mankind, so I choose to see the happy, the helpful, the loving, the honest, the hard-working, the smiles, the hugs and the hand holding. I believe negativity gets enough publicity without me talking and typing more. Don't you agree? I choose to be Happy, and it IS a choice. 

Don't You Worry about a Thing

You heard your parents say it over and over, Stevie Wonder made a whole song about it, and we constantly tell ourselves to stop worrying. And yet; most of us live in a constant state of worry and fret. Money, children, work, and some made up things, you know it's true!  We think so much and are so much in our heads we forget all that is good and fun and most of all; Beautiful.  I know so many people, including myself, that suffer from anxiety attacks. If you have never had one, how very fortunate you are! Anxiety can be debilitating and downright scary.  I don't suffer with them as frequently now as I did when I was younger, I truly believe, in my case, I can thank exercise and relaxation/breathing exercises. I had to be diligent with both, no slacking, no excuses. And I had to get out of my head. Does that sound weird?  How often do you find yourself ruminating on one thing, constantly rolling it over in your head, critiquing, tearing it apart, putting it back together , to start all over?  I was harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. I was my own worst enemy, I WAS my own anxiety attack! Is that possible? For me, Yes! Once I figured this out, I could help myself. This whole getting older thing helped as well, things don't look so drastic to me anymore. I understand that I don't and can't control everything, there are certain things I can help; and for the things I can't... I pass on. Relax Dawn, I say to myself, don't you worry about a thing. Exercise is key, it always comes back to this doesn't it?  Feeling stressed? Full of anxiety? Mad? Get rid of it at the gym Baby! Run your stairs! Get a jump rope! my personal favorite. Better yet; take a Yoga class. Never taken Yoga?  If you have anxiety attacks or not, Yoga is good for us all. It teaches you how to tone, stretch, stand and walk taller,  breathe to calm yourself down, it is the  gift that keeps on giving.  The last thing I did to help me feel better, and this was one of the harder things to do; I stopped hanging with the Drama filled people. You know who they are: Ms. "I ALWAYS got a story to tell that isn't her or my business" and it is ALWAYS BAD!  Mr. " The world is a bad place and let me constantly remind you as to how bad it is!"  These people lurk in dark corners my friends, they aid and abet anxiety and sometimes they don't even know it. But run when you see them, in a polite way.. RUN!   This is how we help ourselves feel better, mentally, physically, spiritually. And we DO have to help ourselves in this quest not to stress, it doesn't always come easy, but we are all worth the effort. Take a deep breath... Relax.