Sheer Madness

This is the time of year that Personal Trainer's and Wellness Coaches are usually the busiest. Why? Because this is the season for dieting and people being disappointed by their dieting so then they need a Wellness Coach! I am writing this blog a little concerned, once again, over our obsession with weight, and the lack of concern over health. As I watch people scramble around for the "easy fix", the magic ring, the one piece of equipment that will take fat off quickly! going to be hypnotized, injected, tapeworms inserted! ( I am NOT making that up!) fat sucked out, fat inserted, purging, or just not eating, I feel outright sad. This is not just a female issue, there are men out here doing the same things and the crowd is growing. Why? Wouldn't it be so easy to blame the media? And yes, they are culpable in this, but they are not the only one's to blame. I see it this way: If you are under the age of 18 years old, it is your parents that are responsible for helping you have a positive body image. If you are older and look to all of the models/actors, whom by the way have been digitized to look like ageless elves, to boost your self-esteem and give you guidance; get ready to always fail. No one looks like that. THEY don't even look like that! I know I am coming from the perspective of a Black American Woman and you are wondering why I brought up ethnicity? Because depending on your culture; the image you have in your head regarding your body will be totally different from someone else's.  In my culture a big booty is KEY! You know the song "Brick house?" When the singer says: "36-24-36, what a winning hand!" That is a Black Woman's dream shape( or used to be) small in the waist and pretty in the face, but with that big butt. :) When people call me skinny, I have to make myself not be offended. Now on the other hand, my Caucasian friends work to be a size 0( I didn't even know that existed years ago!) some of them, not all. In my opinion unless you are 5'0 and petite, you should not be a size 0, but that is just me. I, as a woman and Personal Trainer don't understand why anyone wouldn't want their breasts, butt or hips! I am a woman, not a ten year old boy. Now I see a trend going on, almost like a 'Class War' between the too thin people calling themselves fit and the overweight people calling themselves curvy, and both are two polar extremes that are BOTH unhealthy. Then you have people like me that have been both. I have been too thin, I have binged and purged, I have been an exercise bulimic, yes.. Me. This ain't my first time at the rodeo folks, this is just the first time I have kept the weight off for years. I have, as some of you may know, been really big. We are talking six rolls on the back big! So my point is? Balance is key and knowing boundaries is essential! Look, this really doesn't have to be hard and I am not talking from a place of not knowing or arrogance. Losing or gaining weight is a life changer, no doubt, but it doesn't have to be a health risk. Do we really need that type of drama? The lies, the madness, the obsession and the procrastination stop with YOU.  Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace. 

Zumba Up and Down( warm it UP!) :)

You Know You Have Messed Up When.....

Life is funny, and I am not being sarcastic here either. Like I was saying; Life is funny, just when you think you are in love, and you probably are by the way, The one that your love was intended for turns out to be the brother from another mother of the last rectum that you dated. Funny, huh? It wasn't anything big or dramatic that cued me, it was a series of things and my reaction to those things; DANG SELF-AWARENESS! But once you know who you are, there is no turning back, all bets and lies to yourself are off.  Now the mess happens when you start telling yourself that you can ignore things, make excuses for yourself and the person you are involved with. I don't expect perfection, no one does( at least the people that I know) because I'm not perfect( I know, I know, this is all new to you!) but I do have standards. Even in a world that tells you that standards are not realistic(really?) That hoe-ing (new word for you) it up is okay and trying to save yourself for someone that just might love you is dumb.  That choosing to want someone in your life that has a modicum of respect for you and his/herself is too much to ask. You know what I say to that? You live your life expecting nothing, and nothing is what you will receive. You know where I learned that? From my ex-husband, go figure! But is it the Truth? Yes! Expect nothing, get nothing. I am going to say something totally radical here, ready? Have expectations and standards! WHEW! It is okay and don't allow others to tell you any different. You know why it is okay? Because you hold yourself to a certain standard, you have expectations of yourself and this is not a bad thing. Messing up every once in awhile is okay, I try not to make it a pattern and it keeps me honest. I took a love hit for the team(you being the Team) my skin might be a little tender right now, but I am standing a lot taller. I know my worth and I hope you know yours. Wishing you peace and love... but mostly Peace. 

As We Wake Up

As I lie in bed, as the day starts, before my feet hit the floor, I list all the reasons I love me. Yes, I do. Don't you? And if you don't, why don't you? It isn't conceit, it is confidence and listing all the reasons why you love yourself is a confidence builder. No one can love you as much as you love yourself. No one knows you better than you, so don't you know all of your love-able ways? One of my good friends calls it her "Why I AM the Shit!" list(I love it.. though I am not calling myself poop).  On this list you write all of the things that make you.. You. The things you love most about yourself( if you have nothing, we have serious work to do) Your laugh, your smile, your walk, your talk, the way you treat people( even when they are douche bags) etc. I am going to sound like a cheerleader here, ready? Self-worth is AWESOME! And when you love yourself, you know your worth. And when someone knows who they are and what their worth is; people who are negative and full of drama run for the hills. Believe me, they do. Let's clarify the difference between conceit and confidence: Conceit is usually a mask to cover insecurities. Most people that play at conceit are nasty to people and always rip other people apart. What they say of others they usually feel about themselves and none of it is nice. Confident people on the other hand, don't care what others think. They waste no time defending themselves against lies and liars, it is a waste of time, so they keep it moving. They are usually very personable and sure of themselves. Their self-esteem has been built from within, so compliments, though nice, aren't what motivates them. It is what they believe about themselves that keeps them going. The light that emanates from people like this is always bright and beautiful( if you believe in such things, and I do) and negativity can't abide them long. Everyday I strive to be this person and help others become this. Hence the list, the ultimate confidence builder. Write the list! I know some of you become embarrassed about writing nice things about yourself(why? I don't know), but can give me all of the bad things! Focus on your goodness, be kind to yourself. I will give you one: I love how I love people. Try and write at least 10 things that you love about You.
Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly... Love for yourself! 
Gotcha:)

Why Write?

The world took over my life for awhile and I didn't have or make time to write my blog or even in my journal, and I found I was getting sadder and sadder. It took me some time to figure out why I was feeling, at times, emotionally overwhelmed (sounds very dramatic, but true), it was due to the fact that I wasn't releasing my feelings on paper. Writing is cathartic for some of us. Some days when you feel as if you can't put a coherent sentence together; get pen and paper and be amazed at all you CAN say non-verbally. I am a better writer than speaker, some would say to this statement that I am full of it, they hear me talk all day. But that is work, not saying what you feel at all, could you imagine if we all said exactly how we feel at work? It would be lovely, but expect to be shown the door. Growing up I was told to "Not wear my heart on my coat sleeve." which means don't let people know what you are feeling. Be more analytical, less emotional, listen instead of speaking and stop being so thin skinned! Well when you are a kid and you hear this... a lot, you learn to repress emotions. You start to second guess what you really feel and are afraid and too distrustful to share what you feel. This makes for sticky situations in any relationship you are trying to maintain by the way. Because you never say what is really going on with you emotionally, how can anyone gauge where your mind is? I had a difficult time speaking, because in the back of my mind I was always wondering if I was being judged, was I saying too much? Was this information going to be used against me later? Talk about paranoia and fear! So I became more a listener and when you become The Listener, you will then attract to you people that don't want to hear your stories, they just want to talk about themselves; the ultimate one-sided conversationalist. And how can you be irritated by them? Isn't this what you wanted? To hide? Enter writing! One day I had had it up to the ceiling with something or the other and couldn't verbalize it. I was so frustrated, so I do remember going up to my room and grabbing one of the many journals that I would buy and never use, and I just started writing, and writing and writing, I couldn't stop. When I was finally done, I felt relieved and then guilty, can you believe guilty? I felt that I had betrayed my upbringing. Isn't it sad how we hold on to these idea's that if we speak the Truth we will betray others?  Well too bad, once the words hit the paper there was the truth, in black and white. For me there was no turning back and I didn't want to, writing had become therapy. The more I wrote, the easier it was to talk and listen to people. My sense of my own power, of self, my perceptions about situations started to change once written down, and once that changed I didn't care if I was being judged for my own feelings. Those judging are going to do that anyway, right? Writing has helped me with my goals: write them down, put them where you can see them and they keep you honest. You can't lie and write. Think about it; who are you lying to? Yourself!  We have enough of that going around, don't do it.  I will leave you with this: For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me. 
Jack Dann  

Wishing you all Love and Peace, but mostly Peace! 

Whistle While you Work

      "Whatever you are, be a good one"

       Abraham Lincoln

I love that quote, it says all that needs saying. Whatever you do or are, be good at it, but can we also add be happy? How many people can you count that are actually happy with their jobs? High or low pay, corner office, secretary, one hour lunch breaks, and still miserable. And when people aren't happy with the job they have, they tend to not do a good job, they called that back in the day "low morale." Some call it getting fired quick, I call it taking up space and wasting time and money; yours and the company you work for.  Research has shown the correlation between low morale and work performance, which equals thousands or millions lost for the company. I understand, as I am sure you do as well, why people stay on jobs where they are completely miserable. Heck! I have been one of those people: Children, bills, car note,groceries, did I say bills? But I wish I knew then what I know now: That changing my perspective on my position in Life and on the job, depended on my thoughts about me and my worth. Not on what other people considered success, which is usually what your title is and how much money is attached to that title.  Back in the day I was a Maid, there is no shame in that. Nor have I ever been ashamed, until I met someone who tried to shame me! When I told them I had been a maid and had my own cleaning service years ago, they looked at me with incredulity. They asked me, in a whisper by the way( as if they were saying a dirty word) how that felt? I responded that it was hard work, but perfect for a clean freak( which I am!) and someone who doesn't want to talk to people and at that time in my life I didn't. You see, I was excellent at that job. I loved stepping back and seeing a job well done and smelling a clean house or office and most of all; I was Happy! This is the whole goal in life isn't it? I met two people this week( and it is just Wednesday) that made my day with their enthusiasm about their jobs. They don't have high powered jobs or a corner office, one is a cashier at the Dollar Store and the other a cashier at Dunkin' Donuts. But man! Are they happy and when I thanked one of the ladies for helping me, you know what she said to me? "No problem! I love my job and I love helping people." WHAT!? She loves her job,she loves helping people and she is good at it! That is the key to being great at whatever you do in any position. Not just going through the motions to pay the bills, but waking up ready to be the best at being happy on your job. Regardless of who or what you have to deal with, positive or negative, change your perspective, adjust your disposition and watch your world change with you. Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace. 

P.S- if you want to read a great book on how to have passion in your work and Life, read: The Fred Factor by Mark Sanborn

A Love Letter

As I sit here and write to you Eloy, my brother, I can't help but laugh. The memories of us as children, the laughter, the fights(rare), the abuse and all of the love we shared, fill me and sometimes overwhelm me. When we met I was eight and you were six, your mother had taken you and your older and younger brother's from your dad and my father took a suitcase and his... dick. But okay, my mother survived and a new family was formed. There you all were, my step-brother's, as Mexican as I was Black, and we didn't care, most children don't. I knew from the moment I met you that we would be close and we were. Thank you to my mother who explained to all of us that there is no such thing as step or half brother and sister: "You are her brother" as she pointed at you and me "And she is your sister!" end of story. I remember only one 'bad' argument between us and I believe it was due to teenage angst more than anything. But believe me, I still find myself getting mad that you took someone else's side over MINE!? How dare you! And I know if you were here, you would find this totally hilarious. You would bring up how I didn't talk to you for two weeks, how I cried and said you never take sides against me (who am I? The Mob?!) The memories make me laugh of us cooking together, creating cleaning and eating contests for the other siblings, saving money together so that we could take the younger brothers and sisters to the movies and have pizza parties. How giving you were, even as a little kid; I remember telling you the story when I was around ten, about how my white kitten was killed by a dog. The next time I came to the house for daddy/kid(s) visit, you had a picture of a white kitten for me with your signature and "I love you," at the bottom of the portrait. I still have it by the way. I am grateful to you for sharing your secrets of abuse with me, told in whispers and a lot of hand holding. I told you some, but not all, because it was still going on, how could I? I think you already knew anyway. Just like you said to me when you came out "I know you already know Lynn, you are smarter than the average bear!" And there is that sense of humor that I loved beyond anything else. How you could and did laugh with your whole body. That fall out of the chair, hold your stomach type of laughter that siblings have when they are all together and there is always that running joke that no one else gets. I could list so many things that made you special: Your sense of style (which is one of the many reasons you loved my Mama! Both clothes hog's), you died before the term 'Metro Sexual' but boy does that fit you! Your supreme loyalty and honesty, until the end. With every death it seems comes a sense of guilt, your death is no different, we all think there was something that could have been done differently.There wasn't. That big disease with the little name took you and you went the way you wanted. Alone. So you too! Independent with a flair of the dramatic. How could I not respect that? All I could do was be mad and laugh. When I met your friends they all said how you always talked about your brother's and sister's how proud of us you were and how we all have such a sense of style; so for you we dressed to the nine's on your goodbye day, red lipstick and all. You would have loved it! I need you to know how much I love you. That I was always proud of you, that even in our disagreements the love was there. You were and always will be my Best brother and I always wished you Love and Peace, and now you have both. Peace my Eloy.