The Music, The Love....Prince.

I am a true 80's kid, there is no denying it. The Generation-X'er's believed in our music and across the board, no matter what ethnicity, we pretty much all knew and could(and still can!)sing you a wide variety of songs from that era; from The Cure to Run DMC, we got it. But personally, there is that one that changed music for me and that one is Prince. I come from a musical family, Singers one and all. There wasn't one genre of music that at some point, wasn't played in our home. But when my older sister came home from college with Prince's Controversy album; stick a fork in me, cause I was done! It wasn't as if I hadn't heard Prince before. Sure, we had I feel for you, Soft and Wet(totally not supposed to listen to that song!), Nothing Compares To You, etc. but Controversy was different for me; maybe because I was a teenager and full of angst? And what speaks to a teenagers heart more than Rock and Roll? I listened to Annie Christian and HEARD it. The song Controversy in itself was a Controversy "Do you believe in God? Do you believe in Me?" I, at 14, fell undeniably in love with Prince. Not for the reasons most teenage girls fall in love with Rock and Roll Gods; no, I was too deep for that(and didn't we all think we were deep? :) I loved Prince for his rebellious nature, I loved him because my Mama didn't! for his thumbing his nose to anyone that said he had to dress a certain way (Prince encouraged us all to wear frilly blouses and brooches), Be a certain way, or play a certain type of music. Most of all I loved him for the music. With the passing of Natalie Cole and Maurice White, I felt the loss of my childhood. Their songs are attached to the memories of family parties, me and my sisters holding concerts in our house and most of all; my Mama. Prince's music helped change who I was as a teenager, yes! I blame him. That was my teenage self, after listening to the B-side of the 1999 album, going to THE best hairstylist in our town at the time, Mr. Bill Duncan, and saying with a very confident voice(confidence that I didn't really feel) "Cut it like Grace Jones!" and he DID! "Be glad that you are free! Free to change your mind. Free to go most anywhere, anytime." This is the song I had been listening to when I decided to cut my hair like Grace, this is the moment I decided that I was never going to be part of the "In" crowd.. nor did I want to be.  I was Free. So here is my love letter to you Mr. Rogers; that chunky teenager wearing the Doc Martens and sporting the Grace cut. Rocking the long earring and believing she will be part of The Revolution and The Hot Mix Five:) That Girl and this Woman thank you. Wishing all of you Love and Peace.. but mostly Peace. 

Ambition: The Dirty Word

I realized something late in life: I am an ambitious Woman. If you would have told me this years ago, I would have certainly argued with you. I know I would have said something like: " I don't have a competitive bone in my body!" or " People that have so much ambition are uptight and willing to step on people to get what they want." Oh yes, I would have said both of those things. You see, the people that I saw around me that seemed ambitious usually resembled what I just described: cut-throat, two faced and opportunistic, so to me the word ambition was a dirty word. I didn't realize that all of those bad characteristics are usually demonstrated in people that are so insecure that they MUST behave this way. Real ambitious people, for the most part, are very secure in their skill set. They know what it takes to get to the next level and are willing to work hard to get there. This doesn't make you a bad person, what it does make you is ambitious. To want the best in life and be willing to work for it, to do what it takes, within integrity to get it... that is a beautiful thing. To be honest with you, I never knew I had it in me! I was a Wife, a stay at home Mama( I still worked from home by the way) and I am not saying that I was unhappy; because I wasn't. But what I was was hungry! I was dissatisfied with myself because I knew there was something I wanted to do, I was just too afraid of success to go get it. I was trying to suppress my ambition, I was downright terrified of it! Then when I was backed into a corner( did you also just say the famous Dirty Dancing line? :) When I found my Calling( Personal Training) and I was surrounded by testosterone and raw ambition; all of a sudden the "Beast" was unleashed! I saw that Men are taught young to be ambitious and competitive, not so much Women, even in today's world.  I learned that I could be and WAS just as competitive and it was okay. That I could and CAN do all of this without being a horses backside even... Who Knew!? I always say "Face Forward With Focus!" and that is what ambition means to me: an all out, no holding back, kicking the door down, good time. It is YOUR time to shine! Be: Ambitious. Be: Credible. Be:Focused. Be: True. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace. 

The Journey is Yours

It is a difficult thing sometimes to come to grips with the fact that some things are in your control. Got you didn't I!? You thought I was going to say something else. I think at times we become so focused on what isn't in our control, we forget all that is in our control; and it is a lot. I compiled a short list one day of all the things I could have controlled if I would have chosen to: 1. Who I hung out with 2. What I ate 3. What my thoughts were/are 4. How I spent/spend my money 5. My feelings 6. My Actions. For me these are all the big things... or are they? Now I don't know if you are like me, but back in the day I had a tendency to turn molehills into mountains. I wouldn't make big scenes or big productions out of things if that is what you are thinking. But in my head, small things became BIG things that I would mull over. I would sit and ruminate, turn whatever situation that I felt uncomfortable with into a melodrama worthy of an Emmy or two. Then I would self-sabotage: Eat too much, mismanage money, listen to people that didn't have my best interest(s) at heart and then when the mess hit the fan( as it always will!) here come the feelings of guilt and unworthiness. But what makes this all so sad is the fact that we always know how the mess is going to play out. How? Because we are the ones who set it up! And all of this is done from a place of fear. In my humble opinion; fear is the most crippling emotion. Not the fear of another human being, but fear of our own greatness. The fear that you aren't worthy. The fear that you won't live up to your own expectations. The fear that you are a fraud and people might find out or the fear that you are just as great and fantastic as you believe yourself to be. So we create these different negative scenarios to hinder our greatness, and then have the audacity to try and blame other people for our lack of faith in our own abilities. Yes, I am talking to you and Yes! I know three fingers are pointing back at me as I point at you. As I stated earlier; I am most certainly guilty of doing all of this. Remember, I only write about what I know, and I know procrastination and getting in my own way! When we sit and turn every little situation inside out, when we overwhelm ourselves with the should have, could have, would have's, when we are purposely blocking our blessings, this is a way to procrastinate and not have to move forward. No one can change this but you. This is seriously a one person journey and the fare is not cheap. I have learned, just from my own experiences, that all of this was tied to my weight gain and once I understood what I needed to do; the weight was gone. Easy? No, I wouldn't lie to you( I charge extra for lies!:) But it wasn't as hard as I thought it was going to be once the mental baggage was tossed and burned. Ladies and Gentlemen, please remember that we are all works in progress. There will be days that you just don't want to hear or think about any of this stuff. And you know what I say to that?: GOOD! Don't think too hard on it, just DO! If you know there is work to be done; DO! I am not saying don't think at all and become this impetuous person that just jumps in the water head first. But also don't be such an over thinker that becomes such a procrastinator that nothing gets done. There must be a balance and a sense of worth that only you can give yourself; hence the title. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace.  

The Rules

I know I have written blog(s) regarding common courtesy, expectations, and standards... my own of course :) But, I don't think I have written a blog about what NOT to post on social media, or things that shouldn't be discussed in public bathrooms/locker rooms. Why do I think I must write this? Lately my personal experiences with all of the above gives me cause and pause to think about all that I have seen and heard! Social Media is a wonderful thing; I use it, I enjoy it, but some things should be kept private. Discussing ones marriage, bedroom antics, job issues, infections(gross!) how you hate/love someone, even your political bent should be kept private. Why? The J.O.B. They can and will use personal information against you. I had to explain this to a young client recently, that there is no such thing as a private page. Once posted, even if you delete, your information is now floating in the ether, ready to be snatched down and read. Now, you would think that people would know this by now? And yet, I am still seeing posts like: "My boss can go suck monkey junk!" or "I need a hug!" sigh... Rule # 1 to a happy Life: Say what needs to be said to the person intended. Do NOT email, leave voice mail, text or post on social media. Then it can't be used against you in the court of life and you will show yourself to be courageous and a non-passive aggressive. Locker rooms with their stalls and curtains might seem private, but they aren't. The walls have ears and you never know who is using one of those stalls, right? I shall call this para-graph: Beware the hidden feet. When you are a manager, in the locker room discussing an employee with ANOTHER employee, and the subject being talked about walks out of one of the stalls; weeeeell, that is bad business and in some circles that might even be called slander. Beware the hidden feet! Rule #2 for a happy and simple Life: When you are the person in charge, be a leader that sets a good example. Talk TO your people. Face to face without drama. True leaders have no problem telling you to your face what they need from you and how they want it done. Say it, explain if the need arises and move on. I know that sometimes we all feel as if we aren't being listened to and we are looking to find someone that feels the way we do; on any given topic. But posting all of your business on social media is not the way to go. Rule # 3 to having a wonderful life: Get out and meet some people! Get away from your computer, get off of the internet on your phone, take time to look UP for once. Don't have clandestine meetings in locker rooms! HA! That is just funny. But seriously, get out, stop saying the folks on social media are your "Friends" no they aren't! You don't know half of them.  Get out and get moving, this should actually be the #1 Rule of Life. Peace and love, but mostly Peace.
D.  

Grow Up!

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” 
― Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People 

It is not easy to take criticism, not for any of us. But when it is in our best interest to listen, learn something and act, why all the drama? I was once one of those full of drama (so I speak from experience) When you are insecure about where you are in life, when you are always worried about what others think of you and self-awareness is not cultivated; well, you get someone who can't take criticism, even when it is constructive. And when you are like this, you will attract others that are just like you! Believe or disbelieve it, but everyone in our lives past or present are just reflections of who we are or have been at some point. It is a jagged little pill to swallow, but true. But as you start to recognize the pattern, there will be change, but only if you recognize it. Then that is when the fun begins, you start attracting people that tell you to your face(and this is important!) just how immature you have been. GUT PUNCH! The day it happened to me, I was sitting with a good friend and I was griping about something or the other. How someone said something that hurt my feelings, blah, blah, blah... and she listened as friends will, then finally she spoke and I didn't expect what she said: "Dawn, you are being immature. What this person said to you was true. She might not have said it with sugar, but she is right and as your friend, I should have said something. I apologize, but you don't take critiquing well and we all have to mature sometime." Now you all KNOW I was heated! I didn't speak to her for a couple of days(seriously! that is how mature I was:) but did I hear her? Yeah, and that is what hurt the most. She was right and I was in a place in my life where I was ready to receive what she was saying. Growing pains hurt like a mutha sometimes! When I finally Womaned up to talk to her, I apologized and got on with growing up. Remember: once you get the right knowledge, you aren't ignorant anymore and you must act. I started to do the work and it wasn't easy, some things just aren't, but it is worth it. Look at your patterns, identify the subjects that are your "triggers" then get to work. "Ain't everybody going to agree or go along with you girl! And if they do, you are doing something wrong!"Said by my mother and she was right. I learned to take being critiqued, I never said I like it. People that love you set you straight in every area of life, without fear of you and your dramatics. This is when we have to get over ourselves, right? Wishing you peace and love, but mostly... Peace. 

OH SNAP! Let the Pain and Denial Begin!

The day started out innocently enough, doesn't it always? I felt really good that morning. Normal aches and pains are to be expected when you teach Group Fitness, I am used to them. The pain started in my right quadriceps, I thought nothing of it. When it moved to my lower back and brought me to my knee's by two pm, I took it seriously. Funny thing, pain; we forget how it can turn us into dry heaving, cold sweat filled masses of flesh. Yes, this was me. I can tell you, I don't remember how I drove home, because my right foot was about useless due to the numbness that had now gone down my leg. I do remember my Son helping me crawl out of my car and half carrying me up the stairs to my bed. I can recall the pain, worse than labor and yet familiar to me; I had been here before. Years ago I herniated two discs in my lower lumbar spine and couldn't walk at all. And though I was dragging my right leg, I was still able to hobble, there was hope! But first you must get through the pain. Let me reiterate: Funny thing, pain. See, when you have babies and you must go through labor, for some reason we forget the pain. I don't know why, but we do, hence more children! I would love to tell you that I didn't cry (The Ugly Cry), that I didn't get scared when I couldn't stand for long periods of time (I am a Trainer and Group Fitness Instructor, are you kidding me!?) that I didn't need help bathing or doing my own hair, but I would be lying. I did all of the crying that I needed to do. I had no pride and allowed my Ex-Husband to care for me and out of compassion, he did(like I said, I herniated years ago when we were still married, he knows the drill). After the drugs were dispensed and MRI taken, the diagnosis is a bulging disc. I am thinking a herniation to a bulging disc, this girl is moving up! I am so wrong. You might be wondering: "Dawn, how did you get to this point?" With a shamed face and a bowed head, I will tell you: Ignoring your body and the red flags it is throwing you. Just that simple. I saw and felt symptoms months before the fallout and I kept it movin', isn't that my motto? I canceled chiropractic appointments and massages for clients and classes. My body was warning me and I thought I knew more. That is ingratitude to the tenth degree and I am paying for it. I took a hit for the team to bring you this missive folks! Our bodies really are wonderlands and beautifully made; why ignore it? I am on the mend, physically and emotionally. Because what I know for sure; pain takes a lot out of you emotionally, just the fear of going through this again will fill you with fear if you allow it. You can't allow it. In the now famous words of one of my daughters who has Sickle Cell and is familiar with excruciating pain: "Mama, you either find a part of your body that doesn't hurt and focus on that bit of happiness OR you learn to 'ride' the pain. Make friends with it and ride the waves of pain. But this will pass Mama and you have to get up!" My child, the tyrant. :) Wishing you Love and peace, but mostly Peace

Do It.

Mortality is the fastest, clearest, most reliable teacher of what is most important to you in your own life. When faced with it, the following 30 seconds will teach you more than the previous 30 years. It is then that you will learn how difficult we make something that is so simple - LIFE  

I always wonder why we wait until the twelfth hour to do something about our weight and health. What is it with humans that we won't take our health issue's seriously until a doctor tells us we are diabetic? Or can't walk correctly, backs hurting and joints shot, THEN we take our health issue's seriously. What is that? I won't linger on that though, because we all get to where we need to be when it is our time. The first or twelfth hour, whenever, as long as you get to Change. I am guilty as well! I procrastinate on all of my doctor appointments, we won't even discuss mammograms and pap smears! I will confess my sin(s): I am two years behind. Now mind you, my Mama died of cancer, so I should be on it, right? No, maybe if I ignore it, nothing bad will happen. This is plain stupidity and fear.  I never liked being a chicken, so today I made my appointments. It is like like this with somethings, we will hate the outcome if we don't do it... but we also hate the actual Doing. I see this with people regarding exercising, changing how they eat, how they treat their bodies, too much of this and not enough of that... the list could go on. Fear is a powerful thing isn't it? I read a quote recently that said, simply, do what needs to be done and be done! Be proactive in your life, it might seem like the biggest mountain, when it is really just a molehill of fear. So, consider this short blog to be a little reminder to take care of your health, this is me harassing you, the way other's have harassed me. I thought I would share the love. Go Do what needs doing. Wishing you Love, Peace and wonderful Health!