There's No Easy Way, But it Must be Done...Forgive.

Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved hard and could hold a grudge even harder. Cross me once, I look the other way. Cross me twice, I got one eye on you! Three times, DONE! Now some people would say "Well! Dawn, that's the way it should be!" and maybe depending on the insult or injury, we have the right to cut people off. But! When you say "I'm done!" are you really? I can only speak for myself, I wasn't. (Insert gavel sound from "Law & Order) I've been judged people and found lacking, at least I admit it! 

"Step by step. Day by day." 

This is a big subject, forgiveness. Everyone has a different approach as to how this is done. But we can all agree that it starts with self - forgiveness, the hardest to achieve. Do you know the old adage "When you point a finger, you have three pointing back at you." sometimes when we have been hurt we blame ourselves. We will be angry that our response wasn't what we thought it should have been. "Why did I allow them to do that to me?" "Why didn't I fight back!?" Then we allow anger and bitterness to take over. Then that dark, spiral downward. Is there anything we can do to help ourselves? Yes! 1. Don't expect perfection from yourself or from others. 2. Be patient and kind to yourself. 3. Associate with people who are encouraging and positive. Do you really need more negativity in your life? 4. See your patterns. Learn from them and if they cause you pain, don't repeat! It isn't easy, so get ready to work. 


What does it All Mean?

Forgiveness- Pardoning an offender and letting go of anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge. 
I used to read this and only see the pardoning part and my head would almost explode! I would rage at the thought of letting go of my anger and letting people "off the hook." If I forgave wasn't that condoning what they did? No. Pardoning doesn't condone, minimize the wrongdoing or behaving as if it didn't happen. It just means you are willing to let it go to not only have a loving personal relationship with yourself, but with other people. If you have read my blogs, you know that I write a lot about the Mind/Body Connection . What does being unforgiving do to us mentally and physically? Causes depression, anxiety, higher risk of ill health.  Sometimes we become so focused on all the wrong, that we have no happiness. Loneliness, isolation and well, just sad. We can allow this need for revenge to consume us and nothing good comes from it. Don't just take my word for it, do your research. Have a clear picture of who you need to forgive, including yourself. Write a list of the injury, real or perceived and when you are ready, write a letter to them, send it or not. I wrote my letters, some I sent and some I wrote and burned. Yup! I had a little burning party. That might be a little dramatic for you, giggle, but still write the letters and release the pain. "I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my world." an Affirmation by Louise L. Hay  People, I am not saying this is easy. Even reading that affirmation, you might get angry and that's okay. That means you have work to do and baby steps are required. Forgiveness, self or toward others, doesn't happen in a day. I will wrap this up by saying, clearly, come closer...forgiveness is for you. Forgive for your growth, for self-love, self-worth, empathy and compassion for yourself. Wishing you all love and peace...but mostly, peace. 

The Face to Face

. "You will never see eye-to-eye if you never meet face-to-face.” - Warren Buffett, Chairman, and CEO, Berkshire Hathaway

I was told that I need to step into the Twenty-First Century. That my ways are a bit antiquated and backward. By the way, when they said this they meant well, in a backhanded compliment kind of way. I'm the person that still keeps an agenda. Yes! a real paper one! I never use my cell phone for that. I am the person that still responds to emails, texts, and phone calls. And! I still have a, wait for it, a LAND LINE! (Did you run, screaming from your room?) This is where I am REALLY sick... I still have face to face meetings with people. A new or prospective client will always get the face to face consultation. Always. 

“The only thing worse than a social networking junkie who breaks out in a cold sweat if she hasn't updated her page in the past 10 seconds is the person (usually it's a guy) who proudly refuses to join Facebook. You know, that same d-bag who held out on getting a cell phone until, like, 2002.” – Andrea Lavinthal, author

Yeah, I'm that D-bag that didn't get a cell phone until 2007! My best friend forced me to do it and even put me on her plan, just to make sure I wouldn't throw the annoying device in the trash. It's grown on me. And so has Social Media. Like the cell phone, I had to be forced into it. My Son created all of my Social Media pages. "Mama! You need them for business!" insert frustrated Son voice. I will admit I have learned a lot from so many different people on Social Media. Using it for business is helpful in ways I couldn't imagine. I also think it has created the idea that you don't have to talk to people and learn the art of schmoozing. 

 "Schmoozing is an analog, contact sport. You can’t do it alone from your office on the phone or via a computer"
There is a great article that I think every entrepreneur and maybe even the business person that has been at it for a while, just as a refresher course. The article is called "Improve your people skills: Learn the Lost Art of the "Schmooze" by Ivan Widjaya
I do think that we all, to a certain degree, depend a little too much on Social Media to build our business. Wrong move! You might call me crazy(wouldn't be the first time) but get to those seminars, workshops, and conventions! Shake hands, meet and greet, hand out your business card, listen, learn, talk! Go to the parties(they are usually a blast!) Be open and receptive and you might even be shocked at how many people will respond to you in kind. If you are shy and talking to people face to face causes you to erupt in hives, go easy on yourself. Take baby steps. One of my Clients who started her own business but is quite shy would meet people in the place she was most comfortable, the local Starbucks and it worked! I set goals and find the balance between using Social Media and the meet and greet and that works for me. I want to build my brand but the idea of being online for hours makes my head hurt. Find what works for you and then add something new, utilize it all! Wishing you peace and love, but mostly Peace. 

I Love Myself Therefore...

"Only surround yourself with people that will lift you higher."
Oprah Winfrey

I love this quote from Ms. O(that's what I call her in my head...Don't judge:) It has helped me so much. When I feel myself backsliding into old behaviors and allowing people back into my life that have not helped me, only hindered me, I remember this quote. It isn't easy to let go of people or certain situations. But remember; all habits can be changed! It takes diligence, perseverance, but most importantly: Self-Love. How many ways can I harp on this(How many times have I already harped on this!? lol)I don't think enough! Do you or have you written a list of how many ways and WHY you love yourself? Do you focus only on the negative things going on in your life? Past and present? Do you have a hard time giving yourself compliments? Or even accepting compliments? If you said yes to any of these questions there is work to be done! And believe me, the work never ends. I don't say this in a negative way or that being kind and positive to oneself is a burden. But, it IS an ongoing obligation. That word tends to have negative connotations, it shouldn't. Obligation- Being morally or legally bound. Responsibility. A moral imperative. Shall I go on? It is our responsibility to be kind to ourselves. To love and protect ourselves. It is morally correct and it is our Divine right to be happy and loved...does this sound like a burden now? Nah! So, today is the day that you wake up and utter those magical words: "I love myself, therefore..." and list why. I will start you off! I love doing this!  1. I love myself, therefore: I will work hard to stay away from negative people. This will be hard in certain situations, especially if you are known as "The Listener." Everyone comes to you with their problems and you might be honored by this. But, what are you getting from this? Do you feel drained? Used? Are you able to go to these people with your problems? This segues into... 2. I love myself, therefore: I will create boundaries. For yourself and for others. Never forget, we are in control of how people treat us and they treat us how we treat ourselves. 3. I love myself, therefore: I will treat myself well. This is fun! Treat yourself. A new book(my personal fave.)an hour alone, get to know yourself. What do you love to do? Would you like to take a fun class somewhere? Take the time and find out. 4. I love myself, therefore: I will take care of my "house" aka my Body. We get one! Take time with it. Compliment yourself with sincerity. Be your best hype Man/Woman! Here are a few things to compliment yourself about: I have a perfect butt! Dang! I am smart! I LOVE MY THIGHS!! I love being kind...so many wonderful things to say about yourself. Why stop at just a few? You don't have to! Give yourself compliments all day. Along with gratitude & thanksgiving, watch your world change. Be excited! Be happy! There are a lot of exclamation points going on here! lol. I just want you to know what I already know...That you are worthy of love, joy, and happiness. It's all up to you. Wishing you Love and Peace...but mostly peace. 

Before You Start!

The warm weather has begun(hopefully it stays!)and with that people become more adventurous with their exercise regiment or they start exercising period and that is all good! But before you start any of that, let me help you out with a few things free of charge; ain't I sweet? Before you start with any of these high octane exercise Group Fitness classes or DVD'S, make sure that you are ready! Have you built up your endurance? How much can you lift? How is your form? Here are some ways to find answers to all of those questions.  I love and adore Group Fitness. There is nothing as great as being in a room full of people with one single thought: to SWEAT! But understand, Group Fitness is not Personal Training. It is not one on one. In a big class, you might have up to 30 people or more, so there is no way a Group X Instructor can constantly watch form. This is why before you go to the classes that have Box Jumps, Walking Lunges and Barbell Lifts, find a Beginner lifting class or better yet, a Cardio Interval class. This way you build endurance, burn fat, get toned and learn to lift in one class! Can you beat that? Nope. Always work on your level. You are in competition with no one. I can't say this enough because I have seen people focusing on other folks in class and I realized that they were competing! What the heck!? The beauty of Group Fitness is that everyone and I mean everyone is on a different level of fitness. A great Fitness Instructor knows this and will show modifications. If you just aren't sure about form and technique, this is when you hire a Personal Trainer. I know what you are thinking: "But Dawn! Personal Trainer's are so expensive(insert whine voice :)" Not true and not all. Most gyms have PT packages that are reasonable. Some Trainers will even work on a sliding scale if they feel you are serious about getting healthy. Now you can even Train with someone online! No excuses. If you hire a PT, the first two sessions should be assessments. Weight, circumference, endurance, how much you can lift, aches and pains, BMI, etc. Even if you don't hire the Trainer for long-term, you will have this information, review it and build from there. That is the whole point of assessments, to see your weaknesses and strengths, then correct and build. Whatever you do, just remember the most important thing is to listen to your body. I don't care what the Group Fitness Instructor or Personal Trainer is doing. If it doesn't feel right to you, don't do it. Your body, your time, your money. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace! 

How To Be Professional When Surrounded By The Unprofessional

They say that most people change careers at least ten times in their lifetime. I would say that you might change jobs, but not careers in a lifetime. I have had several jobs, from Certified Nurses Assistant to Administrative Assistant to Baker's Assistant(have you noticed a theme here?)and though grateful, when I became a Personal Trainer, I knew I had found my career. Looking back I realize that with each job to now, there is something that each situation had in common: The Unprofessionals. I am sure some of you can relate? Anytime you have to work with other Humans, you will come in contact with The Unprofessionals. Because I have had so many jobs(don't judge me! Most of them I was there for years.)I think I have become an expert on the different types of unprofessional. Let me be your Sensei if you will. Read and learn how to recognize, avoid and deflect all things related to the Unprofessional. 

1.The Gossiper- This person always 'knows' what is going on with everyone else. And what they don't know, they create. Treat these people as if they have a cold and you don't want to catch it! Keep all conversation(s) about the job. If they start to talk about anything else, politely excuse yourself. That is clear, concise and professional. *Some companies can actually fire you for gossiping. Loose lips sink ships and all. 

2.The Negative Ned/Nancy- They are never happy, period. They will find fault in Heaven and they will kill a buzz. And they will also cozy up to the Boss while bashing all of their co-workers. Then come back to the employee's to bash the Boss. They are easy to identify because they usually want to complain about some policy and get your opinion about it...that's a trick. Excuse yourself or be like me and tell them you don't know what they are talking about, conversation ender. 

3.The Rule Breaker(for no good reason!)- This person likes to talk big. Mentally, they are still in High School. Always looking for a thrill and doing ignorant things. Rules don't apply to them(so they believe) and if they see you actually doing your job, they get with Negative Ned and Gossiping Greta, their followers, to trash you. These people actually fascinate me in a crazy way. Why? Because they could actually be great leaders if they wouldn't constantly sabotage themselves. People do follow and listen to them. But they must buck the system to push boundaries and when they are warned or even fired, they blame the system. Feed this type of co-worker with a long-handled spoon. You might appreciate their brash personality and they are usually funny, but if you follow them, well, get ready to get fired.  
I loved most of my jobs. I tried at all times to be professional, it didn't always work, but I tried. What I have learned is that when you go to work, even when you don't want to be there, go in happy and grateful. Have integrity and balance. My Mama taught me that I wasn't on the job to make friends. I was there to have pride in whatever I was doing and to do it well. I pass on this advice to you. Wishing you Love and Peace. But mostly, Peace!

Catch Yourself

Catch yourself when you find yourself using self-deprecation to 1.Get laughs(at your expense) 2. Feel Sad 3. Hide your accomplishments 4. Blend in 
It is wonderful to know and feel comfortable in your Greatness! If you have to belittle yourself to be around anyone, they ain't worth being around.

Catch yourself when you find yourself not taking care of...Self.
1. Buy yourself somethin' pretty! 2.Get some 'smell good!' aka cologne or perfume 3. Being kind to yourself is not a sin. In fact, to do otherwise should be a sin! 4. Exercise. Why? It will make you feel good. And that is the goal. 5. Meditate. Why? It gives you focus and direction.

Catch yourself when you find yourself lying, to yourself. 
My Mama had a saying "Lie to everyone else, but never to yourself. When you start lying to yourself, you are lost."
How about this: Don't lie at all. 
1.Be clear as to what you want to say to others regarding you and any situation you are in. Everything doesn't need to be told! If it is a secret, why are you telling it? 
2.THE PAST IS THE PAST! Why lie to yourself about it? Whatever happened, happened. Old saying: "Tell the TRUTH and shame the devil!" But there should be NO shame for you or in you.
3. Get help if you need it! Sometimes we think we are 'over' things...We aren't. There is no shame in asking for help and it shows honesty and love for self to ask and accept. 

Catch yourself when you find yourself being negative.
1. The vibe you are giving will attract the same to you. Birds of a feather and all of that. So make up your mind to work that positive vibration! 
2. Feeling what you need to feel at that moment is not a bad thing. 
Acknowledge all emotions, you aren't a Bot, but if the emotion is negative, don't let it linger! 
3. Surrounding yourself with negative people, situations, etc. only creates more negative energy.  I chose a long time ago to not feed that beast. Happiness is attainable, even in this system. Do the work. Read the books you need to read. Talk to whomever you need to to get you to the next level of joy, happiness, and peace. You are worth it!