Once upon a time, there was a girl who loved hard and could hold a grudge even harder. Cross me once, I look the other way. Cross me twice, I got one eye on you! Three times, DONE! Now some people would say "Well! Dawn, that's the way it should be!" and maybe depending on the insult or injury, we have the right to cut people off. But! When you say "I'm done!" are you really? I can only speak for myself, I wasn't. (Insert gavel sound from "Law & Order) I've been judged people and found lacking, at least I admit it!
"Step by step. Day by day."
This is a big subject, forgiveness. Everyone has a different approach as to how this is done. But we can all agree that it starts with self - forgiveness, the hardest to achieve. Do you know the old adage "When you point a finger, you have three pointing back at you." sometimes when we have been hurt we blame ourselves. We will be angry that our response wasn't what we thought it should have been. "Why did I allow them to do that to me?" "Why didn't I fight back!?" Then we allow anger and bitterness to take over. Then that dark, spiral downward. Is there anything we can do to help ourselves? Yes! 1. Don't expect perfection from yourself or from others. 2. Be patient and kind to yourself. 3. Associate with people who are encouraging and positive. Do you really need more negativity in your life? 4. See your patterns. Learn from them and if they cause you pain, don't repeat! It isn't easy, so get ready to work.
What does it All Mean?
Forgiveness- Pardoning an offender and letting go of anger, resentment, and thoughts of revenge.
I used to read this and only see the pardoning part and my head would almost explode! I would rage at the thought of letting go of my anger and letting people "off the hook." If I forgave wasn't that condoning what they did? No. Pardoning doesn't condone, minimize the wrongdoing or behaving as if it didn't happen. It just means you are willing to let it go to not only have a loving personal relationship with yourself, but with other people. If you have read my blogs, you know that I write a lot about the Mind/Body Connection . What does being unforgiving do to us mentally and physically? Causes depression, anxiety, higher risk of ill health. Sometimes we become so focused on all the wrong, that we have no happiness. Loneliness, isolation and well, just sad. We can allow this need for revenge to consume us and nothing good comes from it. Don't just take my word for it, do your research. Have a clear picture of who you need to forgive, including yourself. Write a list of the injury, real or perceived and when you are ready, write a letter to them, send it or not. I wrote my letters, some I sent and some I wrote and burned. Yup! I had a little burning party. That might be a little dramatic for you, giggle, but still write the letters and release the pain. "I lovingly release the past. They are free and I am free. All is well in my world." an Affirmation by Louise L. Hay People, I am not saying this is easy. Even reading that affirmation, you might get angry and that's okay. That means you have work to do and baby steps are required. Forgiveness, self or toward others, doesn't happen in a day. I will wrap this up by saying, clearly, come closer...forgiveness is for you. Forgive for your growth, for self-love, self-worth, empathy and compassion for yourself. Wishing you all love and peace...but mostly, peace.
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