When You Are Related To Crazy Pt. 1 The Disengagement

 "Love didn't hurt you. Someone who doesn't know how to love hurt you. Don't confuse the two." 

Steve Maraboli

This is a blog for healing. I don't write it to revisit pain; physical or mental. Because as you probably already know, mental pain will manifest into physical pain. So I don't need to write about that. You also know your own story of dysfunction and a considerable amount of mine, so I don't need to delve into that again. This is the "How To" blog. I am writing this in segments. The first being about disengagement. This is a big deal. You know why? What you are saying, is that you choose you. That you are willing and able to stand alone. How to start: 

1. Affirm, every day, that you approve of yourself and your decisions. You are to say this out loud to yourself as many times a day as possible. It will seem weird and crazy...but you've dealt with worse kinds of crazy so this ain't bad at all! 

2. Remember, salt and sugar look the same, so be careful who you trust and allow into your personal space. You must use discernment and trust what your physical eyes and mental intuition are telling you. Ask yourself: How do I feel when I am with this person or these people? Would I be friends with them if I wasn't related to them? Was there physical, mental, or sexual abuse in this relationship? If the answer is yes to one or all, have you healed? Did you receive counseling? If not; please do! There is no healing if you are in denial and fraternizing with someone who is toxic. 

3. Love doesn't hurt. When you are raised in toxicity, you will find that you attract toxic people. No, I know you don't mean to, none of us do. Once you make the leap to filter out the toxic family members, the next step is to sift and shed the "friends" connected to those toxic family members. Ask yourself these questions: Why are they still here? What am I getting from this/these relationships? Is holding on to them a way for me to hold on to the toxic family members? Is there love, mutual upbuilding, laughter? 

4. Forgiveness is freedom. Disengagement should(if possible)not be done from a place of hatred. Why? You will always go back. As the song says "It's a thin line between love and hate." Hating doesn't allow for clear thinking. It is hard to see through the haze of hatred. Believe me, I have been there, which is why I can tell you that you will go back. Once your self-approval rating goes up and you are being "rebuilt" on a foundation of love, the healing has started. You won't have much time for hate. 

"I am mine.

Before I am ever anyone else's."

-in

I need you to remember something.

Disengaging takes time. It is a work in progress!

Please do not be hard on yourself, if you find yourself in the company of people that have caused you pain. 

You are yours first. You have to live in your body, with your own thoughts and memories. It is your divine right to be at peace with all three of those. Happiness is available and so is love...they live inside of you. Wishing you peace and love...But mostly Peace. 

How To Be Professional When Surrounded By The Unprofessional

They say that most people change careers at least ten times in their lifetime. I would say that you might change jobs, but not careers in a lifetime. I have had several jobs, from Certified Nurses Assistant to Administrative Assistant to Baker's Assistant(have you noticed a theme here?)and though grateful, when I became a Personal Trainer, I knew I had found my career. Looking back I realize that with each job to now, there is something that each situation had in common: The Unprofessionals. I am sure some of you can relate? Anytime you have to work with other Humans, you will come in contact with The Unprofessionals. Because I have had so many jobs(don't judge me! Most of them I was there for years.)I think I have become an expert on the different types of unprofessional. Let me be your Sensei if you will. Read and learn how to recognize, avoid and deflect all things related to the Unprofessional. 

1.The Gossiper- This person always 'knows' what is going on with everyone else. And what they don't know, they create. Treat these people as if they have a cold and you don't want to catch it! Keep all conversation(s) about the job. If they start to talk about anything else, politely excuse yourself. That is clear, concise and professional. *Some companies can actually fire you for gossiping. Loose lips sink ships and all. 

2.The Negative Ned/Nancy- They are never happy, period. They will find fault in Heaven and they will kill a buzz. And they will also cozy up to the Boss while bashing all of their co-workers. Then come back to the employee's to bash the Boss. They are easy to identify because they usually want to complain about some policy and get your opinion about it...that's a trick. Excuse yourself or be like me and tell them you don't know what they are talking about, conversation ender. 

3.The Rule Breaker(for no good reason!)- This person likes to talk big. Mentally, they are still in High School. Always looking for a thrill and doing ignorant things. Rules don't apply to them(so they believe) and if they see you actually doing your job, they get with Negative Ned and Gossiping Greta, their followers, to trash you. These people actually fascinate me in a crazy way. Why? Because they could actually be great leaders if they wouldn't constantly sabotage themselves. People do follow and listen to them. But they must buck the system to push boundaries and when they are warned or even fired, they blame the system. Feed this type of co-worker with a long-handled spoon. You might appreciate their brash personality and they are usually funny, but if you follow them, well, get ready to get fired.  
I loved most of my jobs. I tried at all times to be professional, it didn't always work, but I tried. What I have learned is that when you go to work, even when you don't want to be there, go in happy and grateful. Have integrity and balance. My Mama taught me that I wasn't on the job to make friends. I was there to have pride in whatever I was doing and to do it well. I pass on this advice to you. Wishing you Love and Peace. But mostly, Peace!