Scenes From My Bedroom Window

I love my town, I really do. It has a bad reputation and I truly believe it does just because there are a lot of ethnic people that live here. It is a suburban town that sits perfectly between two lovely cities; Chicago and Milwaukee. My town is like most small cities, high to low income, issues with the school district and the politics that surround everything; but, I love my town. I love walking down the street and seeing people working in their gardens. On one side of the street there is a man and woman working in the yard, and he has on a kilt, a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and sneakers. On the other side of the street there is a Black man wearing karate pants and a rice paddy hat! Really? All I can do is giggle as I watch the Vatos locos in their low riders, am I back in California? They give me the peace sign and I nod my head in acknowledgment and we both keep movin'. When you live in a town of different ethnic groups, there is always the lovely food to try. I can walk down the street and get real deep dish pizza, cross the street and get red snapper tacos, drive two miles down the road and order pancit and finish it off with grilled pineapple. Tonight there was an Indian wedding parade on my street! It was so colorful and beautiful. The women and men were singing and beating drums and everyone came out to watch and wave. Like with most towns nowadays, crime has risen and there seems to be a lot more cynicism, but there is also this move it and shake it up spirit ( especially among the 20 and 30 yr. old's) that is keeping most of these small cities alive. The "kids" are coming home to open their own business's and raise their families. This is what gives a town and its people hope. We live in a tough world and everyone needs a place to call home. It would be easy to segregate yourself, see the same people, narrow your vision to the point where you only see the end of your nose, but what a boring, predictable Life! Get out there and enjoy your town, make a difference in it and bloom where you are planted. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace.

Rise Above Your Raising

"You know I'm cursed with morals. I was raised a certain way. I wish I wasn't. I wish I was raised by wolves." 
Carson Daly 

It's funny how you read something and it expresses just what you are feeling or going through at the time; almost God sent. I read this quote while pondering if I should keep a friend in my life who, by past experiences, isn't much of a friend to me. I guess you call people like this 'associates?' Yes, they have been relegated to the associate shelf. It isn't as if they are this horrible person that tosses cat's for fun; they just can't seem to rise above their raising. And the sad thing is; they don't want to. If you have never heard the phrase "Rise above your raising" let me explain it to you: some of us have parents that weren't always the best examples in certain situations. Bad habits, no coping skills and a general skewed perspective on the world and life is sometimes the legacy we inherit. If we don't learn to rise above it,we just repeat their lives. For those that don't understand and lived in a household with no issues whatsoever; look away or read and learn how the other half  has lived. Rising above your raising is a work in progress! It is NOT an easy thing to overcome. As was quoted in one of the best movies ever created, The Breakfast Club( Hey! I am an 80's kid!) When Ally Sheedy's character, Allison, says to Molly Ringwald's character, Claire, that it is inevitable that we become like our parent's, at that moment I wanted to puke. Really?! my 15 year old self thought, I will NEVER be like her, and we won't even discuss my father! Now I laugh, that was fear and teenage angst talking, I know better now. Let me tell you what I have learned: We have a choice as to how we want to be like our parents. Who knew? Some things are in our DNA, other things are learned behavior(s) and habits/patterns can be broken; but only if we are willing! My friend/associate is not ready yet and that is a conscience choice; isn't everything? Don't listen to people that tell you if it is in your 'blood' there is no changing it, they obviously don't understand how positive affirmations and a strong mind can change the world! Your world. I have learned that my mother did better than most, that she did what she thought at the moment to be the right thing. She was hard on me, I was a kid and needed and sometimes deserved it. She impressed upon me morals, integrity, and work ethic. I thought it was straight punishment! How dare she want the best for me! My mother wasn't perfection, she made mistakes that I have had to work through on my own and still do some days, but the faith that I can rise above it is always there. Once again it takes forgiveness, forgive your parents for passing on their fear(s) to you, their impatience, for exposing you to things that you were not mentally prepared for. Forgive them for ignoring you. Forgive them for their harsh words, because they probably learned all of these things from their parents and the list could go on. I just need you to know that it is possible to move forward; to rise above it, to be your own person, regardless of DNA. Acknowledge the patterns that you have picked up and carried on into your own life.  Make the decision to get help if they are affecting you negatively( that could be self-help or a psychiatrist) and rise above your raising. Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace! 

Sheer Madness

This is the time of year that Personal Trainer's and Wellness Coaches are usually the busiest. Why? Because this is the season for dieting and people being disappointed by their dieting so then they need a Wellness Coach! I am writing this blog a little concerned, once again, over our obsession with weight, and the lack of concern over health. As I watch people scramble around for the "easy fix", the magic ring, the one piece of equipment that will take fat off quickly! going to be hypnotized, injected, tapeworms inserted! ( I am NOT making that up!) fat sucked out, fat inserted, purging, or just not eating, I feel outright sad. This is not just a female issue, there are men out here doing the same things and the crowd is growing. Why? Wouldn't it be so easy to blame the media? And yes, they are culpable in this, but they are not the only one's to blame. I see it this way: If you are under the age of 18 years old, it is your parents that are responsible for helping you have a positive body image. If you are older and look to all of the models/actors, whom by the way have been digitized to look like ageless elves, to boost your self-esteem and give you guidance; get ready to always fail. No one looks like that. THEY don't even look like that! I know I am coming from the perspective of a Black American Woman and you are wondering why I brought up ethnicity? Because depending on your culture; the image you have in your head regarding your body will be totally different from someone else's.  In my culture a big booty is KEY! You know the song "Brick house?" When the singer says: "36-24-36, what a winning hand!" That is a Black Woman's dream shape( or used to be) small in the waist and pretty in the face, but with that big butt. :) When people call me skinny, I have to make myself not be offended. Now on the other hand, my Caucasian friends work to be a size 0( I didn't even know that existed years ago!) some of them, not all. In my opinion unless you are 5'0 and petite, you should not be a size 0, but that is just me. I, as a woman and Personal Trainer don't understand why anyone wouldn't want their breasts, butt or hips! I am a woman, not a ten year old boy. Now I see a trend going on, almost like a 'Class War' between the too thin people calling themselves fit and the overweight people calling themselves curvy, and both are two polar extremes that are BOTH unhealthy. Then you have people like me that have been both. I have been too thin, I have binged and purged, I have been an exercise bulimic, yes.. Me. This ain't my first time at the rodeo folks, this is just the first time I have kept the weight off for years. I have, as some of you may know, been really big. We are talking six rolls on the back big! So my point is? Balance is key and knowing boundaries is essential! Look, this really doesn't have to be hard and I am not talking from a place of not knowing or arrogance. Losing or gaining weight is a life changer, no doubt, but it doesn't have to be a health risk. Do we really need that type of drama? The lies, the madness, the obsession and the procrastination stop with YOU.  Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace. 

Zumba Up and Down( warm it UP!) :)

You Know You Have Messed Up When.....

Life is funny, and I am not being sarcastic here either. Like I was saying; Life is funny, just when you think you are in love, and you probably are by the way, The one that your love was intended for turns out to be the brother from another mother of the last rectum that you dated. Funny, huh? It wasn't anything big or dramatic that cued me, it was a series of things and my reaction to those things; DANG SELF-AWARENESS! But once you know who you are, there is no turning back, all bets and lies to yourself are off.  Now the mess happens when you start telling yourself that you can ignore things, make excuses for yourself and the person you are involved with. I don't expect perfection, no one does( at least the people that I know) because I'm not perfect( I know, I know, this is all new to you!) but I do have standards. Even in a world that tells you that standards are not realistic(really?) That hoe-ing (new word for you) it up is okay and trying to save yourself for someone that just might love you is dumb.  That choosing to want someone in your life that has a modicum of respect for you and his/herself is too much to ask. You know what I say to that? You live your life expecting nothing, and nothing is what you will receive. You know where I learned that? From my ex-husband, go figure! But is it the Truth? Yes! Expect nothing, get nothing. I am going to say something totally radical here, ready? Have expectations and standards! WHEW! It is okay and don't allow others to tell you any different. You know why it is okay? Because you hold yourself to a certain standard, you have expectations of yourself and this is not a bad thing. Messing up every once in awhile is okay, I try not to make it a pattern and it keeps me honest. I took a love hit for the team(you being the Team) my skin might be a little tender right now, but I am standing a lot taller. I know my worth and I hope you know yours. Wishing you peace and love... but mostly Peace. 

As We Wake Up

As I lie in bed, as the day starts, before my feet hit the floor, I list all the reasons I love me. Yes, I do. Don't you? And if you don't, why don't you? It isn't conceit, it is confidence and listing all the reasons why you love yourself is a confidence builder. No one can love you as much as you love yourself. No one knows you better than you, so don't you know all of your love-able ways? One of my good friends calls it her "Why I AM the Shit!" list(I love it.. though I am not calling myself poop).  On this list you write all of the things that make you.. You. The things you love most about yourself( if you have nothing, we have serious work to do) Your laugh, your smile, your walk, your talk, the way you treat people( even when they are douche bags) etc. I am going to sound like a cheerleader here, ready? Self-worth is AWESOME! And when you love yourself, you know your worth. And when someone knows who they are and what their worth is; people who are negative and full of drama run for the hills. Believe me, they do. Let's clarify the difference between conceit and confidence: Conceit is usually a mask to cover insecurities. Most people that play at conceit are nasty to people and always rip other people apart. What they say of others they usually feel about themselves and none of it is nice. Confident people on the other hand, don't care what others think. They waste no time defending themselves against lies and liars, it is a waste of time, so they keep it moving. They are usually very personable and sure of themselves. Their self-esteem has been built from within, so compliments, though nice, aren't what motivates them. It is what they believe about themselves that keeps them going. The light that emanates from people like this is always bright and beautiful( if you believe in such things, and I do) and negativity can't abide them long. Everyday I strive to be this person and help others become this. Hence the list, the ultimate confidence builder. Write the list! I know some of you become embarrassed about writing nice things about yourself(why? I don't know), but can give me all of the bad things! Focus on your goodness, be kind to yourself. I will give you one: I love how I love people. Try and write at least 10 things that you love about You.
Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly... Love for yourself! 
Gotcha:)

Why Write?

The world took over my life for awhile and I didn't have or make time to write my blog or even in my journal, and I found I was getting sadder and sadder. It took me some time to figure out why I was feeling, at times, emotionally overwhelmed (sounds very dramatic, but true), it was due to the fact that I wasn't releasing my feelings on paper. Writing is cathartic for some of us. Some days when you feel as if you can't put a coherent sentence together; get pen and paper and be amazed at all you CAN say non-verbally. I am a better writer than speaker, some would say to this statement that I am full of it, they hear me talk all day. But that is work, not saying what you feel at all, could you imagine if we all said exactly how we feel at work? It would be lovely, but expect to be shown the door. Growing up I was told to "Not wear my heart on my coat sleeve." which means don't let people know what you are feeling. Be more analytical, less emotional, listen instead of speaking and stop being so thin skinned! Well when you are a kid and you hear this... a lot, you learn to repress emotions. You start to second guess what you really feel and are afraid and too distrustful to share what you feel. This makes for sticky situations in any relationship you are trying to maintain by the way. Because you never say what is really going on with you emotionally, how can anyone gauge where your mind is? I had a difficult time speaking, because in the back of my mind I was always wondering if I was being judged, was I saying too much? Was this information going to be used against me later? Talk about paranoia and fear! So I became more a listener and when you become The Listener, you will then attract to you people that don't want to hear your stories, they just want to talk about themselves; the ultimate one-sided conversationalist. And how can you be irritated by them? Isn't this what you wanted? To hide? Enter writing! One day I had had it up to the ceiling with something or the other and couldn't verbalize it. I was so frustrated, so I do remember going up to my room and grabbing one of the many journals that I would buy and never use, and I just started writing, and writing and writing, I couldn't stop. When I was finally done, I felt relieved and then guilty, can you believe guilty? I felt that I had betrayed my upbringing. Isn't it sad how we hold on to these idea's that if we speak the Truth we will betray others?  Well too bad, once the words hit the paper there was the truth, in black and white. For me there was no turning back and I didn't want to, writing had become therapy. The more I wrote, the easier it was to talk and listen to people. My sense of my own power, of self, my perceptions about situations started to change once written down, and once that changed I didn't care if I was being judged for my own feelings. Those judging are going to do that anyway, right? Writing has helped me with my goals: write them down, put them where you can see them and they keep you honest. You can't lie and write. Think about it; who are you lying to? Yourself!  We have enough of that going around, don't do it.  I will leave you with this: For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me. 
Jack Dann  

Wishing you all Love and Peace, but mostly Peace!