"Love didn't hurt you. Someone who doesn't know how to love hurt you. Don't confuse the two."
Steve Maraboli
This is a blog for healing. I don't write it to revisit pain; physical or mental. Because as you probably already know, mental pain will manifest into physical pain. So I don't need to write about that. You also know your own story of dysfunction and a considerable amount of mine, so I don't need to delve into that again. This is the "How To" blog. I am writing this in segments. The first being about disengagement. This is a big deal. You know why? What you are saying, is that you choose you. That you are willing and able to stand alone. How to start:
1. Affirm, every day, that you approve of yourself and your decisions. You are to say this out loud to yourself as many times a day as possible. It will seem weird and crazy...but you've dealt with worse kinds of crazy so this ain't bad at all!
2. Remember, salt and sugar look the same, so be careful who you trust and allow into your personal space. You must use discernment and trust what your physical eyes and mental intuition are telling you. Ask yourself: How do I feel when I am with this person or these people? Would I be friends with them if I wasn't related to them? Was there physical, mental, or sexual abuse in this relationship? If the answer is yes to one or all, have you healed? Did you receive counseling? If not; please do! There is no healing if you are in denial and fraternizing with someone who is toxic.
3. Love doesn't hurt. When you are raised in toxicity, you will find that you attract toxic people. No, I know you don't mean to, none of us do. Once you make the leap to filter out the toxic family members, the next step is to sift and shed the "friends" connected to those toxic family members. Ask yourself these questions: Why are they still here? What am I getting from this/these relationships? Is holding on to them a way for me to hold on to the toxic family members? Is there love, mutual upbuilding, laughter?
4. Forgiveness is freedom. Disengagement should(if possible)not be done from a place of hatred. Why? You will always go back. As the song says "It's a thin line between love and hate." Hating doesn't allow for clear thinking. It is hard to see through the haze of hatred. Believe me, I have been there, which is why I can tell you that you will go back. Once your self-approval rating goes up and you are being "rebuilt" on a foundation of love, the healing has started. You won't have much time for hate.
"I am mine.
Before I am ever anyone else's."
-in
I need you to remember something.
Disengaging takes time. It is a work in progress!
Please do not be hard on yourself, if you find yourself in the company of people that have caused you pain.
You are yours first. You have to live in your body, with your own thoughts and memories. It is your divine right to be at peace with all three of those. Happiness is available and so is love...they live inside of you. Wishing you peace and love...But mostly Peace.
