Life Can Be Beautiful...Yeah! I just said that!

         
                "I do not believe... I know."
            Carl Jung 

"The more often we see the things around us - even the beautiful and wonderful things - the more they become invisible to us. That is why we often take for granted the beauty of this world: the flowers, the trees, the birds, the clouds - even those we love. Because we see things so often, we see them less and less." 
Joseph B. Wirthlin

Life is beautiful. I believe this and I know it to be Truth. Even with wars and rumors of war. Even with bad news every day in the news(if you choose to watch and listen to that tripe!) and negative people constantly wanting to share their negativity...Life is still beautiful. To focus only on the bad is to negate the good. Let me give you a list of things to be grateful for, just in case you feel you have nothing. 1. A car -Hooptie or new, you are ridin'! 2. A bed that just has you in it -You can sleep spread eagle if you like! No complaints. 3. A bed that has someone in it...with you! - a warm body to spoon and snatch blankets off(if that's how you get down) 4.A Refrigerator, WITH food! There is nothing like food. It was created for us to enjoy with friends and family with laughter and good drink. Chew slowly and enjoy! 5. Baskets - Yes! baskets. Just think without baskets we would have to carry all of that crap in our arms. Do you realize how many accidents we would have? How much time would be wasted walking back and forth getting stuff? See? When you start thinking of all of the small things to be grateful for, they aren't so small. 6. Dry towels- I forgot to get one before I stepped into the shower the other day and realized that me and air-drying aren't friends! Cold air + drenched body = GRUMPY DAWN!
7. Candles - Because they are pretty and smell good. They make your living space peaceful and calm, invest in a few and really burn them(I never understood people that buy candles and don't burn them!). 8. Wine - Because it is wine. It correlates with candles see! It makes your living space peaceful and calm. Invest in a few bottles and really drink them(NOT all at once!) I don't understand people that buy wine and don't drink it! So there you have it, a few things you can be grateful for. Look around your World and see color, not just black and white. Enjoy and love your Life, because it IS beautiful! Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace. 

And My Life Went On Pause

"I am strong! I can do this. You are a Trainer! Get up, Girl! GET UP!"

Those are the words that kept circling my mind as I tried to lift myself from my mattress to get to the bathroom. Something so simple. Something that I always took for granted, walking. I haven't written because I couldn't bring myself to. What could I say that was positive? How could I help anyone when I felt I couldn't help myself? Pain is the great equalizer. It doesn't discriminate, show favoritism and is an equal opportunist. I didn't know there were different types of pain. I mean I know there are levels of pain, but not types. Since being diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder I have learned about types of pain. Hip pain to the point where you can't walk. Shoulder and neck pain to the point where you can't dress without assistance. Over all limb weakness and lethargy. And then sadness and incredulity set in. Who is this person I have become? Why ME!? 

"I am strong! I can do this! I'm a TRAINER!"

Having an autoimmune disorder is hard for anyone. There is no doubt that anyone with any type of chronic pain feels the need to ask why me? I found that I was driving myself insane with the question. I couldn't get it out of my head. Am I not the strong Lady? Wasn't I the strong, healthy girl? People thought to embarrass me when I was younger because I was the tallest and strongest. But I found comfort in my strength and my good health. I turned my strength into a business when I became a Trainer and Group Fitness Instructor. I totally identified with being a Trainer. I wasn't just Dawn. I am Dawn, The Trainer. I am the Beast that teaches three classes back to back. Then Trains five Clients. Then goes grocery shopping... Where is the break? 

And the Trainer got the break...

Then one morning I couldn't get out of bed. Then one morning I couldn't roll over without excruciating pain. Then one morning I couldn't lift my arms. And my Life took a pause. I felt myself spinning out of control. This couldn't possibly be happening to me. But it is and what are you going to do? 

"I lovingly release my past, they are free and I am free. All is well in my heart now."
Louise Hay
The first thing I had to do and still am working on is to not be ashamed to ask for help. I am The Mama! My kids should ask me for help, not the other way around. I felt humiliated and sometimes I still do. But it is a work in progress and must be done.
I had to learn to trust at least one Doctor. I get on his nerves. I question everything! And I research it all. You must be an advocate for yourself. Remember: They are NOT God. I also utilize alternative medicine. It takes longer to work but it doesn't hurt one thing while helping another thing. This has been a humbling journey. I am still Dawn The Strong just a different type of strong. And I am Blessed that people that love me have stepped up and allowed me to scream when the pain becomes too much and cry in front of them and they don't run away. Doctors don't know how long this will last, for a year or two or forever. But no one can tell you how sick or how well YOU choose to be. I do believe that to my core. This might offend some of you and that is not my intent. I can only refer to myself and my experiences. But can we all agree that we rarely take the time to listen to our bodies? That all the red flags will be there and we choose to ignore them? Please don't! Love on yourselves. Take breaks when you need to. It doesn't always have to be about the climb and the hustle. Wishing you peace and love...but really and mostly Peace. 

To Hold You! To Touch You!

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.” 
― Groucho Marx

Last week was Library Week and I was happy to know I wasn't the only one excited! My love for books is not something I hide( I DO hide behind books though:) There isn't anything like getting a book, new or used. The weight of a book in your hands, priceless. No electronic device can compare! The moment we book lovers all wait for: When you have finally picked out the book you want, after wandering through the stacks(Library aisles) for probably hours(That would be me!)and gently pull the book from the shelf(never by the top of the spine!)open it slowly and then stick your face into the pages and inhale deeply, heaven. I only have three other smells that I love more. 1. The top of a baby's head. 2. Coffee 3. Popcorn and the honorable mention, baking bread. But I digress! Books are life. "Oh, the places you can go!" Yes, I am quoting Dr. Suess, but who(hahaha!)wouldn't? One of the greatest Writers that ever lived. Did you not read "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish" to your children? That was the book I used to teach my children how to read. See, that is another thing books do, they help you create wonderful memories with your children. They remember the trips to the library in all the States we have lived in(Navy Brats). They and I, remember the Librarians that sat with them and read to them. I remember Mrs. Shapiro, the Jr. High Librarian where I went to school. Before Jr. High was turned into Middle School when we still had to write an end of the year paper and learn the Dewey Decimal System, YUCK! On Winter Break everyone had their required reading list, I had two! One from my teachers and another from Mrs. Shapiro. She allowed me to take extra books home because I read a book a day. Mrs. Shapiro fostered my love of books wholeheartedly and so did my Mama. Her rote answer to me was "Go to the library!" Mama, I am bored! "Go to the library!" Mama, what does this mean? "Go read about it. Go look it up!" I would say she just didn't know herself, but I am pretty sure she did! Reading helped me become a better communicator. Because what you don't know, you look up! Reading expands your vocabulary. As my Mother used to say "Read and learn so that no one can talk 'over your head.' Reading expands your mind and helps with memory, which will keep you young. Reading can take you out of some of the worst situations. When your home life isn't so great, young or old, pick up a book, find a corner and 'travel.' There are still books that I can't even bring up in a conversation because of how I wept! I laugh, I cry, I scream! Books are like a really great movie, except fifty times better! The Godfather is a great movie. But the book!? A Masterpiece! Oh well, I have waxed on. I do hope that you all make your way to the nearest library, find a book and a comfy chair and immerse yourself in another world. Wishing you all love and peace but mostly Peace. 

The Struggle Doesn't Have to Be Real!

I realized that the older I get, the more the small things(meaning annoyances) in life, keep getting smaller. Do I sound old? That's okay; I own it. Some are living in difficult times. Some have lived through difficult times and learned through self-love and determination, how to get out. As I look back I realized that some of the difficult times I put myself through, were totally unnecessary. It was as if I had to make the smallest decision a struggle. For instance, in the matter of relationships: Believing the lie that real love is a struggle. Why do so many of us believe this? Some of us believe this to the point that when we finally get a really great relationship, we mess it up. WHAT!? There was no drama! No struggle?! He/She actually had a job with benefits!? Yeah! Dump that loser! Here is my next favorite: Anything worth having is going to be hard to get. Who started this one? Someone who was struggling and bitter? I was once a true believer of this fallacy. If anything came too easy for me, I waited for the other shoe to drop...and so it did. I would sweat the small things and you would have thought I would have found satisfaction in doing this, seeing it was what I wanted, right? Oh Nooooo! It wouldn't have been 'Dawn World' without drama and who wanted that? I would take these small annoyances and fears, water them and let them grow. The realization that I was doing this caused me to make huge changes. Have you ever stubbed your big toe badly? I know this was a random question but bear with me. I mean, when you hit that toe so hard, tears show up and you can't speak for a while? Have you ever done that? Well, that is what it might feel like changing your thought processes. It might be just as painful as stubbing your toe, with longer healing time. Is it worth it? Yes. You can have really good things happen to you. You can have someone truly love you without there being constant upheaval. You have the power to get what you want out of life. You have the right to all of this! Most people believe you have to earn the right to happiness. The fact is: It is our Divine right to be happy! The small inconveniences, annoyance's and trifles are just time wasters. Focus on the issue at hand and that is usually staring at us every day in the mirror. If you don't know where to start, let me lend you a hand. Open your mind and your heart and purchase the book: "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. Go ahead and 'stub your toe' on this book :) Be willing to be happy and accept happiness as your right. Wishing you peace and love, but mostly peace.