HEY! Fat Girl!

Being a fat kid is hard. Being a fat girl in this society, is even harder. I was the fat girl and I remember, no matter how hard I try to forget, all the slights and name calling that was thrown my way. Not by strangers, but family. Now I have written about this before, but a conversation I had last week with a young lady prompted me to remember and I got PISSED! Who do these people think they are? You would think that being family that they would not say hurtful things to you, that they would look after your emotional and physical well-being. Not always the case I see. Everyone talks about bullying in the schools, they have whole commercials and talk shows dedicated to the subject. They talk about how being different is okay; different ethnically, sexually, etc. and that is wonderful. But I swear I have never seen or heard anyone talk about being the fat girl in school or being totally, emotionally whipped by family. Now, I am not saying that they don't have something out there that addresses this, I have just never seen it.  Then I wonder about the parents that allow siblings to pick on and humiliate other siblings, why don't they stop it? Some excuse it as sibling rivalry, really?! How is being called a fat bitch by your own brother sibling rivalry? Tubby, whale, elephant, tub-a-lard, I could go on, I have a slew of them. As I was talking to this girl and seeing her hurt, and hearing her hurt, my heart went out to her. No one can hurt you like family and we can't control who we are related to. But she understood that this IS a form of bullying and it isn't normal nor should you get used to such bad behavior. Our job as parents and family members is to teach all of our children that they are special. That's it. It shouldn't be a hard job! Not to allow one child to belittle another. That's it. Is this so hard? When we don't help our children love themselves that is a recipe for disaster. Have we all not watched enough Oprah and Dr. Phil shows to know what happens to kids with low self-esteem? We have to do better parents! Pay attention to what is going on in your homes. Wishing you Peace and Love, but mostly Peace. 

Forgiven and Forgotten

Besides me trying to be the most positive person EVER! I have really been working on forgiveness. Oh Yes, the F-word.  Holy Crap! it's hard.  I read a book that requests that you list all of the people that have crossed you, every last one, then write how they have wronged you. You will be amazed at how long this list can get. Then, when you have done all of this, here is the kicker: YOU MUST FORGIVE THEM! Incredibly difficult and mind blowing. Why? Because as you are writing all of this stuff down, you start to notice a pattern in your behavior and in your interactions with other people. If you are willing to recognize it for what it is, great change can happen for you! There can be no excuses, because the Truth will be staring you right in the face, all in black and white. The questions I started asking myself, once I noticed my patterns were: 1. Why did I attract these particular people into my life( Family we can do absolutely nothing about.. sorry!)?  2. Why did I allow myself to be treated in such a way( and it IS an allowing) 3. What did I get out of it? If anything.  4. What did I learn? If anything. 
Sometimes I don't know if the lesson learned is meant to be big or small, but usually it is painful(let's not lie) and so we, I, better learn it and not repeat! Well, I have repeated a few mistakes, I ain't perfect people! And the sick thing is; I KNEW they were mistakes. Oh well, I had to be totally sure. Guess what? that's okay, our world won't end, but our perspective will change. Hopefully to gain better judgement and clearer vision.  Forgiveness gives us all of that believe it or not.  When we don't forgive we are in a constant state of "pissed off" syndrome.  Sometimes we don't even know it or show it, but we are seething inside. Resentments, grudges, small and big hurts, anger, all of them sitting there ready to send us straight to the E.R. Forgive and let go. I don't mean forgive and then have picnics with everyone on your list, forgiveness is for you. Do you know how many people I have forgiven and don't see? Of course you don't know! just know it's a lot. But I don't harbor any ill will toward them. I wish them well and I also wish not to ever need to be in their presence again. That is the letting go part. I guess my point is; even in these tumultuous times we can have happiness. Isn't that a better choice? Why hold on to memories, situations or even people that keep you from this happiness and peace? Forgive and let go so you can reach the next level called: "I'm done and moving on." But that is in my next blog:)
Wishing you love and peace, but mostly Peace. 

Parenting sucks OR Watch what you say!

Being a parent is hard, with or without support, it's hard.  Understatement of the year right? Even when you believe you have done a fantastic job or at least fifty times better than your parent(s), you messed up somewhere. I was going through what I thought was my daughters recipe book (Really! I did!)it was something she wrote some years ago regarding a conversation I had with her when she was seven.  I was appalled.  Not that it was cruel or spiteful, but the wording that I used was too soon and too grown for a seven year old.  Words that could easily be taken out of context and to the ears and mind of a seven year old, just harsh. Words meant to bolster self-esteem and "awareness" undermined her self-confidence and made her question her ideas about herself.  As I read, I became so ashamed and I just wanted to rip the page out of the book! Maybe if it wasn't in the book, she wouldn't remember? Not that easy huh? That was my pride and ego talking and I left the page intact. What's funny is that I remember those same words being said to me by my mother. Does the cycle ever end? At some point, if you love your children, you will break it. With time we mature and so do our parenting skills(hopefully) I was a different person back then. Self-awareness was an unknown place for me. This Dawn would have chosen better words; clear and thought out. I can't take back the words nor can I magically erase bad memories of me from my children's minds. But everyday I work hard to be a better Human and a better parent. I have, as we all do, that power.