I used to call this time of the year "The Death March." Sounds dramatic(and it was)but I had good reason; this is the time when my Mama was getting worse. The cancer had done its worst and she couldn't hold on. She died on New Year's Eve. Until I was in my mid 40's I dreaded this time of year. I could feel my mood change around November 11. Why? Because that was her Birthday! I know, Right!? Can I get a friggin' break? NO! I can't because that is not how it works. This is something my Mother would have said to me and I would have been peeved. She would look at me and ask "So, this is what breaks you?"...
"If this is what breaks you..."
Let me finish that quote for you: "If this is what breaks you, what are you going to do when something bigger happens? Life can get real hard."
My Mama
I now know this to be true. I also know that a lot of things my Mother said sounded harsh to some, but she spoke the truth. At some point, we have lost the ability to speak the truth. To say the hard things when they need to be said. My mother was Queen of not sugar coating anything! HA! I wanted some sugar some times. Could you NOT be so blunt? When I started speaking the hard truth to myself, I realized that my mother wouldn't want me to remember her with sadness. That went against everything she was. She was a woman who went through very hard things and died too young. But, she lived! She would say to me "Don't use me as an excuse to lie in the bed and cry! You really need to get past this!" and she would have said just that. Because there is no getting "over" the death of a loved one, but there is getting past it; so we can live.
"Sorry to tell you, you ain't the first, nor will you be the last..."
My Mere(French for Mama:)
Everyone has a story. Everyone has lost someone. I am going to say something that has been said since the era of Self - Discovery/Awareness began: When someone we love dies, let's remember their lives, instead of their death. Yup! I used to roll my eyes at that too! Lol. But what can I say? It's true. When I first heard those words I wasn't ready to receive that message. As I have gotten older, I realized that my mama was saying the same thing; just differently. "You need to get past this." You have to live...
Once upon a time, there was a woman with five children. Five children that loved and depended on her with every fiber of their beings. This woman was love, light, and laughter. She might not have been a big deal to the world, but she was the world and a big deal to her children. Then one day, her deadly foe came back! After lying in wait for ten years, it saw a chink in her armor. It nestled in and bloomed, dimming the Ladies light, but not taking her will to live. One day, as her children hovered around her hospital bed, fore they couldn't seem to move their feet far from her, their bodies were slowly turning to stone and their hearts were hollowing, the Lady asked for her purse(sidenote: A Black Mother can never get her own purse! Ill or well, she would have told someone to get the purse that is clearly sitting next to her feet! now, back to my story)She reaches in and pulls out her magical card, aka a Mastercard and says: "Take my card and get out of this room! Go get good food." NO! The children said. "We will eat here, in your room." The Lady kicked her children out and they ate at her favorite Mexican restaurant on her dime. And the children laughed and cried and lived...The Lady had made her point.
Remember with laughter. Feel what you need to feel. Kick and scream in your car or in your bed(my personal fave)then live. Wishing you all love and peace, but mostly Peace.
Dawn Ellen
Daughter of The Lady
