Ssshhhh....

There was a game we would play when I was a child( I believe created by my mother!) who could sit silently for at least twenty minutes?  Without the television, radio, book, no distractions, just yourself and your thoughts.  I could never win this game! I needed questions answered, I had things to say and I needed to say them right NOW! Quickly! Before the thought flew from my brain, out of my ears, never to be seen again. My Mama was a quiet woman. Spoke when she had something to say and didn't babble, nor did she tolerate it from others, especially a daughter who couldn't be quiet. Oh yeah, that would have been me. Ssssshhh! she would say "Lynn( nickname)! Silence is golden." Mama's nice way of saying SHUT! UP! The S word in our house was considered a swear word, just like being called a Babbler was tantamount to being called a bitch. "Lynn, YOU are babbling and must sshh!" that shushing by the way was said so quickly sometimes it felt like a slap. As I got older, my mother decided to use my teenage vanity and ego against me to get silence: "Lynn, you know Men don't like women that talk a lot." Really? I would ask. "No, they will think she is dilly and full of empty thoughts" Mama would say. Now did this work? Of course it did! I was fifteen and thought I was The deepest, most evolved person alive. I couldn't have boys or anyone for that matter believing otherwise. The Silence Project began. What did this entail? Not feeling that I needed to be a part of every conversation and if someone is wrong with their facts on any given subject, let it go. Silence became golden! I learned, at around sixteen, to relax and just listen. As I have become older, the Silence Project has only gotten better. I have come to enjoy moments of stillness, silence and my own inner workings. Silence has stopped arguments for me, I don't respond until I am ready. When I am sad, angry or even happy; a moment of silence to ponder things over, reminisce over the good memories or go over what went wrong and how I can make it better or not, always helps. I have become that silent Woman (Lord! I am my Mama:) who can listen and take what I need and leave the rest. That Woman that doesn't have to fill the quiet with empty words to feel full. My best thoughts and idea's come from sitting silently,then getting to work and feeling that overwhelming sense of satisfaction. Peace, be still. Peace, be silent. 

Intuition

I can only speak from a woman's point of view, because last I checked; I am a Woman. So speaking as a woman, I will say this: I don't understand women. How many times, throughout time, has this been said? Mostly by men probably, but when said by a women; I think it carries more weight. I just made myself giggle, because I am sure someone just called me sexist, in reverse. I don't understand women in a different way than what men are referring to; there is no love connection that is frustrating me, no displaced emotions, no unrequited love situation, just a woman not understanding her gender. We women have a power that is so underutilized it frightens me. Women have Intuition. Now we have people that will poo-poo female intuition, say that it is a myth, crazy talk, etc. I beg to differ. It's there, but ignored, cast away and second guessed, called pms-ing or a mood swing. We are so out of touch with trusting our own gut feelings that we relegate them to pre-menstrual syndrome? How sad is that? I can only speak from my own experiences and some have come the hard way because I didn't pay attention or refused to face what was in front of me. One case in point: The Case of the Man that beat my ass while driving down highway 41. When I first met him, my gut said, in a clear voice: "RUN! He is crazy!" You think I am making this up for your amusement? I am not. I told everyone he had issues, he wasn't for me, then why did I end up with him? So when I was being chased down Rush Street, being cursed at and slammed into my car, punched in the face(while driving) and my right shoulder being yanked out of its socket; could I be surprised people? I saw it. I KNEW it would come to this, intuitively. We sometimes see what we want, we agree to this "blindness" we give our permission to shut down and tune out to what is a gift; our inner feelings. Sometimes the Truth can scare us, take our breath away with its brightness and our own feelings, when connected with Truth, will only lift us up to a higher level of intuitiveness. Don't run! embrace it and trust your gut. Even if you have to be a not very nice girl, let that female dog out. Let her roam free and proud, checking the perimeter for danger, barking when she needs to, biting when necessary and sweet when she is rubbed just right. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly Peace.  

Love, Oh Love!

There isn't anything, well besides the flu, that makes you feel as sick as love. Nausea, bouts of dizziness, a racing heart rate, how we vacillate between happiness and despair, it is disgusting! I realized that I was Falling some months back, it wouldn't go away, believe me, I tried to deny it. You see; I don't make time for the Man/Woman relationship thing. I work, I write, sometimes at the same time. I am not one of those hard career women that are bent on never being in a relationship mind you. But been there and done it and have the scars to prove it, so I wasn't looking, and WHOOP! there it is. It has been so long since I have felt these "butterflies" that I actually thought I was getting sick, seriously! I was asking myself "What the HECK is wrong with you?!' Then it hit me, and I felt giddy with happiness. Only love can give you that feeling. How could I have missed the signs? When he walks into the room, how I only want to talk and be near him? I actually listen and hear him when he talks. His opinion matters to me! WHAT!? I feel like a Woman around him and I act like one, YUCK! I am no wilting flower nor a DID ( damsel in distress) but I feel really girly  and sexy around him and I love it. Love does this, you don't even know there is a void until you start to feel it and it is a feeling that we should never be without.  It is okay to want and to feel love, we will deny it out of fear of being hurt instead of just allowing it to Be. It doesn't make us weak, love really only strengthens us. If you have been through relationships that didn't work, and I have, regret nothing! These are the experiences that will teach us, if we are ready to learn, how to be comfortable with who we are and attract the "perfect" person for us. We aren't perfect, but Love is and when the right person finds you; your love will be perfect for each other. Love heals. Love binds wounds. Love is hope. Love is pleasure. Love is happiness and laughter. This love I feel will be our secret, but I feel such gratitude to know I can still feel this way and that I am open to feeling this way. Wishing you Love and Peace, but mostly.. LOVE! :)