It's okay

I woke up feeling heavy, not physically; mentally. November 11TH, my beloved, deceased mothers birthday. Do you know that feeling when you are about to go to the "Bad place" and you keep fighting it, doing everything you can not to feel, to keep it moving, to be happy. So, on this day I decided to embrace my sadness, no more talking myself out of it. I could have crying jags if I want( even in front of people!), I would allow "Fit throwing", toss a few pillows, lay out on the floor and kick and scream, etc., watch bad television while lying in bed drinking copious amounts of wine and mumbling ABOUT how bad t.v is, but the most important part to my plan: I was going to allow myself to grieve. I didn't run from my pain( I also didn't throw a fit), sometimes people will make you feel as if you must rush through a painful situation, so the healing process can begin. Not realizing that the pain IS part of the healing process, so own it, just don't wallow in it. I lived and coped with my day the way my mother would have: I didn't stay in the bed, I did go to work and allowed myself to be open to my clients, I didn't just go through the motions. They, in turn, brought me happiness. I did light a candle, do my Yoga, and am now writing to you. Being sad doesn't mean we don't appreciate life, it doesn't mean you aren't grateful, but you do need a second, a moment to regroup and refresh.  Be happy or sad, embrace both.