OH SNAP! Let the Pain and Denial Begin!

The day started out innocently enough, doesn't it always? I felt really good that morning. Normal aches and pains are to be expected when you teach Group Fitness, I am used to them. The pain started in my right quadriceps, I thought nothing of it. When it moved to my lower back and brought me to my knee's by two pm, I took it seriously. Funny thing, pain; we forget how it can turn us into dry heaving, cold sweat filled masses of flesh. Yes, this was me. I can tell you, I don't remember how I drove home, because my right foot was about useless due to the numbness that had now gone down my leg. I do remember my Son helping me crawl out of my car and half carrying me up the stairs to my bed. I can recall the pain, worse than labor and yet familiar to me; I had been here before. Years ago I herniated two discs in my lower lumbar spine and couldn't walk at all. And though I was dragging my right leg, I was still able to hobble, there was hope! But first you must get through the pain. Let me reiterate: Funny thing, pain. See, when you have babies and you must go through labor, for some reason we forget the pain. I don't know why, but we do, hence more children! I would love to tell you that I didn't cry (The Ugly Cry), that I didn't get scared when I couldn't stand for long periods of time (I am a Trainer and Group Fitness Instructor, are you kidding me!?) that I didn't need help bathing or doing my own hair, but I would be lying. I did all of the crying that I needed to do. I had no pride and allowed my Ex-Husband to care for me and out of compassion, he did(like I said, I herniated years ago when we were still married, he knows the drill). After the drugs were dispensed and MRI taken, the diagnosis is a bulging disc. I am thinking a herniation to a bulging disc, this girl is moving up! I am so wrong. You might be wondering: "Dawn, how did you get to this point?" With a shamed face and a bowed head, I will tell you: Ignoring your body and the red flags it is throwing you. Just that simple. I saw and felt symptoms months before the fallout and I kept it movin', isn't that my motto? I canceled chiropractic appointments and massages for clients and classes. My body was warning me and I thought I knew more. That is ingratitude to the tenth degree and I am paying for it. I took a hit for the team to bring you this missive folks! Our bodies really are wonderlands and beautifully made; why ignore it? I am on the mend, physically and emotionally. Because what I know for sure; pain takes a lot out of you emotionally, just the fear of going through this again will fill you with fear if you allow it. You can't allow it. In the now famous words of one of my daughters who has Sickle Cell and is familiar with excruciating pain: "Mama, you either find a part of your body that doesn't hurt and focus on that bit of happiness OR you learn to 'ride' the pain. Make friends with it and ride the waves of pain. But this will pass Mama and you have to get up!" My child, the tyrant. :) Wishing you Love and peace, but mostly Peace