Why Write?

The world took over my life for awhile and I didn't have or make time to write my blog or even in my journal, and I found I was getting sadder and sadder. It took me some time to figure out why I was feeling, at times, emotionally overwhelmed (sounds very dramatic, but true), it was due to the fact that I wasn't releasing my feelings on paper. Writing is cathartic for some of us. Some days when you feel as if you can't put a coherent sentence together; get pen and paper and be amazed at all you CAN say non-verbally. I am a better writer than speaker, some would say to this statement that I am full of it, they hear me talk all day. But that is work, not saying what you feel at all, could you imagine if we all said exactly how we feel at work? It would be lovely, but expect to be shown the door. Growing up I was told to "Not wear my heart on my coat sleeve." which means don't let people know what you are feeling. Be more analytical, less emotional, listen instead of speaking and stop being so thin skinned! Well when you are a kid and you hear this... a lot, you learn to repress emotions. You start to second guess what you really feel and are afraid and too distrustful to share what you feel. This makes for sticky situations in any relationship you are trying to maintain by the way. Because you never say what is really going on with you emotionally, how can anyone gauge where your mind is? I had a difficult time speaking, because in the back of my mind I was always wondering if I was being judged, was I saying too much? Was this information going to be used against me later? Talk about paranoia and fear! So I became more a listener and when you become The Listener, you will then attract to you people that don't want to hear your stories, they just want to talk about themselves; the ultimate one-sided conversationalist. And how can you be irritated by them? Isn't this what you wanted? To hide? Enter writing! One day I had had it up to the ceiling with something or the other and couldn't verbalize it. I was so frustrated, so I do remember going up to my room and grabbing one of the many journals that I would buy and never use, and I just started writing, and writing and writing, I couldn't stop. When I was finally done, I felt relieved and then guilty, can you believe guilty? I felt that I had betrayed my upbringing. Isn't it sad how we hold on to these idea's that if we speak the Truth we will betray others?  Well too bad, once the words hit the paper there was the truth, in black and white. For me there was no turning back and I didn't want to, writing had become therapy. The more I wrote, the easier it was to talk and listen to people. My sense of my own power, of self, my perceptions about situations started to change once written down, and once that changed I didn't care if I was being judged for my own feelings. Those judging are going to do that anyway, right? Writing has helped me with my goals: write them down, put them where you can see them and they keep you honest. You can't lie and write. Think about it; who are you lying to? Yourself!  We have enough of that going around, don't do it.  I will leave you with this: For me, writing is exploration; and most of the time, I'm surprised where the journey takes me. 
Jack Dann  

Wishing you all Love and Peace, but mostly Peace!